KK's flower and KK's grandma, Part II

(This is part II to a blog post I wrote in June about how KK's grandma flower mirrored what her grandma was going through. Go here to read it again and the rest of this post will make more sense.)

In July, we quite spontaneously decided to join Peanut-lover on his required trip back to Canada. My mom was still in the hospital recovering from her bone marrow transplant and I was eager to spend some time with her.

When we returned home to Baltimore, I noticed two things about KK's flower. First, her flower was dying, and second, JJ's flower had planted a seed right beside it in KK's pot. So we had a baby marigold growing beside a dying pansy.

It really really bothered me.

It also really bothered me that I let the dying plant affect me so much. It was just a plant, but I couldn't help but fear that the mirroring of my mom's recovery that I had recognized earlier was continuing in what I was seeing in that pot.

I tried to save that pansy, but it just kept getting weaker until not even the stake would hold it up.

(tears)

At 12:13 pm, Tuesday Aug 23, I got the call that turned my world upside down. Mom had developed incurable complications from her bone marrow transplant and we needed to get there as fast as we could. She was not expected to last the night.

We made it to her side at 3 am the next morning, after 18 hrs of agony, wailing, pleading with God, and fearing we wouldn't make it in time.

Mom defied the doctor's prediction and made it through that night and 3 more nights, surrounded and cared for by her family.

At 12:48 am Sunday Aug 28, mama left us. My brother, her husband and I were at her side when she took her last peaceful breath.

My brother and I, supporting each other through the hardest thing we've ever endured

Visiting mama's grave for the first time

Words can't adequately capture what the past 3 weeks have been like for me. It hasn't been pretty... but that is not what this story is about.

To be honest, I have had a really hard time being able to see through my all-surpassing grief to rejoice for her new life - free of suffering, sorrow and pain. I know it is true that she is experiencing wonders none of us could even imagine, but it is not something I have been able to focus my thoughts on for comfort or to aid in my healing.

But God is good. And God loves me. Even when I don't like or understand his ways. He has given me a reminder to keep me moving forward in the right direction.

Meet KK's grandma flower #2:

 - a new body, blooming with vibrant colors,

strong enough to stand on its own.

Just like you now, mama.