Forgiveness

Until I became a parent, I never really understood my relationship with God as a father. I got it on an intellectual level, but never really saw how God sees me as his child. As I have been teaching, guiding, and learning to discipline my 3-year-old, God has given me glimpses of what I look like through his eyes.

Yesterday morning, KK earned herself some discipline for being disrespectful (yelling at me) and defiant (refusing to obey). After I disciplined her, we began the process of reconciliation. In our home, the process is not complete until she apologizes for her behaviour. Once she apologizes, I offer her forgiveness and wipe her slate clean. By that, I mean that as soon as forgiveness is granted, it is as if the bad behaviour never occurred. So I'm not still angry or hurt and she is not still being punished. (We'll have to tweak that a little when she gets older and her punishment includes longer term consequences).

The hardest part for KK is humbling herself to say she is sorry. And that's the hardest part for me too, because I want so badly to forgive her and be at peace with her, and yet, I have to wait until she comes to me.

Today, she kept trying to tell me she was sorry, but couldn't complete the sentence. First, she climbed off my lap and picked up her toys, watching my reaction to see if she was forgiven. Then she climbed back into my arms and tried to be reconciled to me, but still couldn't do it. So she tried picking up her clothes. I kept telling her that all she had to do was tell me she was sorry and I'd forgive her and we'd be right again, but she still couldn't do it. She wanted to earn my good favour instead of admitting that she'd done wrong.

Finally, after about 10 minutes of this, KK came and apologized to me. I told her that I forgave her and that I loved her. Immediately, we were reconciled. In that moment, the weight of her sin came off of her and instantly, she was a happy, dancing, laughing little girl again.

Isn't that like us? We think we can be reconciled to God by doing good. That we will earn his good favour by cleaning up our lives or helping other people. We keep coming back to him, expecting to be reconciled, but it's not there. And all God wants us to do is to tell him that we are sorry and ask for his forgiveness. It seems so simple. Too simple. And it is simple. But it requires that we come to him in humility. And that's hard.

But, oh, don't we feel free when we do?!