I don't mean physically, although he can bench 225. But he has a strong character. He believes what he believes and no one is going to shake him. He also has a strong smell, but that belongs on another list.
2. He's strong.
I mean physically. And that's handy to have around here. He can carry a lot of groceries, and kids, and whatever else I may need him to carry. He's also good at opening jars.
(Just so you know, I made him pose for this picture!)
3. He's gentle.
Just watch him with his babies and you know how true this is. He gently prods me when he sees an area in which I need to grow. And I usually am mad at him for the first day, but I always know he's right.
4. He lets me be me.
And most of the time sometimes I'm not a great person. But somehow he sees the good in me. Even when I see a weakness in myself, he sees the reason for it and considers that a strength.
5. He's mine.
Six years and counting...
Beautiful post. Love the wedding photo (can tell by the HUGE muscle picture that peanut-lover's hair has grown slightly since the wedding!) ;)
ReplyDeleteWell my dear peanut - the sort of post that gives a mom's heart joy. What I wonder is when do the kids really leave home? I am constantly wondering how my two/now 4 plus 3 and a bit are doing. I wonder if they are managing the right parts of their relationships. The whole are of control, what is it, how does it affect me and how can we prevent it seem to be devastating issues if not managed or taken care properly. I am not sure why I am sending this to your blog as you seem to have such a good handle on this; however, this was the first thing that came to my mind to write about so for whatever reason here I go . . .
ReplyDeleteI found this great piece of information and it sure helps to understand how men and women respond to 'marriage things' differently and how to get the best out of the relationship.
What are the most important factors in marriage success?
According to marriage research conducted by John Gottman, among the most important predictors of marriage success are:
• The man's ability to accept influence from his partner; and
• The woman's ability to moderate her approach to seeking influence.
In other words, marriages succeed when both partners give up some control.
For men, this usually means agreeing to try some of the approaches suggested by his partner instead of withdrawing, surrendering or jumping in with a premature resolution at the first sign of conflict. We're not talking about merely complying with your partner's wishes regardless of whether you agree. It's not that she always gets her way. Influence means respecting her viewpoint and being willing to discuss issues.
For example: He wants to buy a small car. She recommends a larger vehicle, since they plan to start a family soon. On reflection, he decides that it makes sense to buy something larger.
For women, a moderate approach usually means toning down her insistence on getting a reaction from her partner even when she feels desperate to have a response. She doesn't give up raising the issues that are important to her, but she's patient and sensitive in how she engages him.
Example: Rather than asking him to discuss what kind of car to buy on a weeknight when he's tired, she suggests that they talk about it on the weekend. Instead of starting the discussion on a critical note about his preference, she is careful to suggest that they consider their future needs before deciding.
It's a bit paradoxical. Both partners seem to get more of what they want when they give up some control. How can this be? As often noted, men and women have different styles when it comes to conflict, as in so many other things.
Men have a very low tolerance for unstructured conflict. They just can't seem to stand it when their partner brings up a sensitive issue, especially when they are feeling burdened or depleted by work or other demands. They often react by distancing themselves or withdrawing.
(These findings about gender-related characteristics are based on marriage research result averages for the genders, so while there may be individual differences and exceptions, the findings hold for most people to a greater or lesser degree.)
Women on the other hand, can't stand to feel ignored, especially when they're trying to bring up something that's important to them. And that's just how they feel when their partner gets overloaded and withdraws. Often they react by criticizing and/or escalating. And that's just what their partner can't tolerate.
So for guys: Try to be open to your partner's point of view. Don't avoid issues or try to railroad your point of view. If you start to feel overloaded, it's okay to withdraw until you feel more able to handle a rational discussion. But it's important to let your partner know that you aren't dodging the issue. Make a specific appointment to resume the discussion-"in twenty minutes" or "Saturday morning at breakfast"--so she'll know that you hear her.
And women: Start discussions calmly and positively. Avoid criticizing and escalating. If possible, schedule a mutually agreeable time to discuss your issue when your partner is feeling less depleted or burdened.
Believe it or not, these are the behaviors that research shows are among those most likely to contribute to a successful marriage.