Happy Birthday Little One

Dear KK,

Three years ago, after the rush of all the family coming to meet you had settled, I held you in my arms and started to fall in love with you. As I stared at your tiny features, I repeated over and over to myself, "I'm a mommy. This is my baby. I have a baby girl." It was like I needed to convince myself that you were real, that we were real.

I had no idea how to be a mommy, but I knew you would teach me. You've taught me lots of things. I didn't know I could love someone so much more than myself and yet, I didn't know how hard it would sometimes be to set my own needs and wants aside to tend to yours. I didn't know how your world would wrap itself completely around mine until I wasn't me anymore without you. I didn't know how good you could smell or sometimes, how bad. I didn't know how far poop could travel or how quickly it could get me out of church.

That first night, neither you or I could sleep, with you so far away from me, laying in the bassinet beside my bed. It was hard to let you be away from me. Finally, our kind nurse let me bring you in bed with me and, cuddled up together, we both slept peacefully.

When you turned one, I had so much fun discovering your little personality. Watching you learn, always at least one step ahead of where I thought you were.

And then suddenly you were two, and boy, could you chatter!

This has been a difficult year for us, you and me. You have had to learn that you are not in charge. I have had to learn that even though I am in charge, I don't always have to get my way. You have challenged me and strengthened me. You have taught me patience. You have taught me silliness.

This year brought the end of our twosome. You have had to learn how to share me, and I have had to learn how to share you. I admire you for never, ever resenting your brother for taking away my attention. And I adore watching you love him.

Last night, we couldn't wait to give you your birthday present, so mommy quickly wrapped it up and we let you hold it while we finished dinner.

We probably could have bought ourselves another day just because of the excitement you had about your present being wrapped in Doodlebops paper. Finally we let you open it up: your own Deedee Doodle costume! (I think it's possible that mommy and daddy were even more excited than you, but don't tell anyone!)

I'm pretty sure we will never see your beautiful blonde curls again, but hey, you're rocking the pink hair!

Little one, I know I don't do this as well as I'd like, and some days we butt heads all day, and more often than I'd like, I fail. But know this: in my heart, I want to be the best mommy for you. I want you to know that you are delighted in, cherished, adored... loved in a way you won't understand until you have a little girl of your own. (And after I told you tonight that I want to be the best mommy for you, you caressed my face and told me that you wanted to be the best little girl for me. You already are!)

Happy 3rd birthday precious girl!