Chasing the girl and laughing at the boy

It has been hot around these parts lately. Dang hot. Yeah, I know it's summer, but it's been extra hot. Miserably hot. I have actually cried about the heat. Often.

So we've been getting out of the house as much as possible. That means I'm getting out during the day maybe every second day (very good for me) and Peanut-lover is getting us out almost every evening for a walk or something.

Last week, we headed down to walk along the water in Steveston. We brought KK's bike because she doesn't get much opportunity to ride it. It was a wonderful idea.

KK was moving so fast on her bike, that I had to run to keep up with her. Especially since every time she turns her head, her bike turns too. Oh, and she thinks that people are supposed to move out of the way for her. And she can't figure out the brakes. It got me quite the workout. And it felt great.

JJ rode in the stroller for a little while, but then started chanting "out! out!" So Daddy set the little guy free. With the sun low in the sky behind him, his shadow was long and right out in front of him. And it made him MAD! He spent the entire time trying to escape his shadow. And yelling at it.

I love this time in our life, with KK learning new skills so fast and JJ just discovering the world. If only I could freeze time.

Daddy's Birthday

This is a little bit late (ok, three weeks late) (oops).

Daddy turned 33. So we baked him a cake. My first ever cake.

KK and Grandma decorated it.

It looks like JJ got right in there and helped them...

... but we all know what was really going on.


I found this sparkler that I had bought for KK's third birthday and had decided not to use. The kids were kind of freaked out by it. Try to imagine that there are two of them!

Happy Birthday Peanut-lover. Now that you're as old as Jesus, it's time you start acting like him ;)

Date Nights

On Saturday night, Peanut-lover and I went out for a date night with my mom and her husband. Our city has this "Night Market", which we'd heard about, but never been to before, so we thought it was time we checked it out.

It was sprinkling rain, but we figured it wouldn't last long. We were wrong. It turned out to be a spectacular thunderstorm.

Our friend Tom found some great pictures of the storm on flickr.

First we saw a lot of this. A LOT of this:

And then we got very wet. VERY wet.

And then, huddled together under an umbrella, we saw the most amazing sunset we've ever seen:

The colors in that last picture are no exaggeration. The sky actually looked like it was on fire. It was AMAZING.

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About 8 months or so ago, Peanut-lover came to me and told me that we needed to start dating again. Each other, I mean. We'd let ourselves get caught up with the raising of the children and weren't really getting along well.

Ok, I'll be honest. It wasn't nice to be us. We were getting by, but we weren't happy.

I couldn't see how we could fit it in our busy schedules, or how we could budget the extra expense, but Peanut-lover was adamant. We HAD to do date nights. Twice a month. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Nothing else would matter if our marriage fell apart. Not our budget. Not our schedules. He told me to book our babysitter and let the details work themselves out. So I did.

The first two dates, we were so irritated with each other that we literally went to a restaurant, ordered food, ate our food, picked up milk, and went home.

Gradually, the dates started getting better, and I started looking forward to our nights out. Now when I get my work schedule for the month, I immediately sit down with our calendar and block off a couple nights for our dates.

Sometimes, it's just grabbing a burrito and going for a walk. Or grabbing a burrito and sitting at the beach together. Or just grabbing a burrito. We like burritos. One time we went bathing suit shopping together (more fun for him than it was for me, I'm sure). I'm hoping we'll go bowling soon. Sometimes family members watch the kids. Other times our babysitter watches the kids.

It's so easy to put this relationship aside, when so many other things demand our attention. But Peanut-lover was right. If this falls apart, all those other things won't matter anymore. We HAVE to take care of this.

And you know what... I can't tell you how it happened, but the budget? It just worked itself out.

Random thoughts that prove how uncool I really am (just in case it needed proving)

It should come as no surprise to you that I've never been known for my coolness. In high-school, I was so uncool in fact, that I didn't even really clue in that I was already wearing bad-mama jeans or granny glasses. In elementary school, I showed off my uncoolness by annoying the cool kids with my incessant humming. Yes, humming.

My uncoolness has continued on into adulthood. My kids haven't quite realized it yet, but they will soon. Their daddy is quite aware. And so are any of my neighbors that can see into my living room.

So when I first heard the song, "Fire Burning" by Sean Kingston, I was sure it was about me. And my living room dance parties.

If you aren't familiar with the song, here it is.
This isn't the best quality, but quite honestly, if I posted the actual music video, some people would quit reading my blog. And start praying fervently for me. I'm just sayin'.

"Somebody call 9-1-1. Shawty fire burning on the dance floor.
O-o-oh"

Although I know some have at least thought of calling 9-1-1 when they've seen me dancing, it turns out this song is actually about calling 9-1-1 to put a fire out... not to get an ambulance because someone is having a seizure. So, not actually about my dancing. Guess I'm not famous after all.

I know what you're thinking... you're thinking my dancing can't be all that bad.

It is.

That bad.

Yes.

There have been complaints.

KK is really into this song right now, and so I thought I'd use it to take my uncoolness to another level (I know you didn't think it was possible, but it is). I actually used the song to teach KK about dialing 9-1-1 in an emergency. Oh yes, I did.

Anyone want to make a bet on how long it'll take her before she calls?

Conversations with KK: Safety

Back a few months ago, I read some tips about safety on a blog that I think are important to share (if it was your blog, let us know in the comments because my brain is leaky and I can't remember where the info came from).

As KK gets more and more independent, I've realized that I need to be more and more honest with her about protecting herself in a world that, while mostly safe, has some very bad people in it. Of course I'd rather just protect her all the time and let her keep her beautiful naivety, but my arms can only stretch so far and I know my little bird needs to fly.

Last summer, we started teaching two basic safety tips:

1. Stay where you can see mommy (a subtle difference from "stay where mommy can see you", but it makes a world of difference in terms of her understanding and compliance).

2. If you get separated from mommy or daddy, find a mommy with kids and tell her that you can't find your mommy. (We've also had her memorize our full names and phone number).

We started asking her what she would do if she got separated from us, at every occasion where that might be a possibility, until she started giving us the right answer.

This summer, I read about role playing with kids what they would do in an attempted abduction. The best advice was to remember that we teach our kids that it's not ok to hit or scream, so don't expect them to do that to a stranger (especially not a stranger).

A couple months ago, I thought I'd just check with KK to see what she would do.

Mommy: What would you do if someone you didn't know picked you up and tried to take you away from me?

KK: I would ask them to please put me down.

Mommy: What if they didn't listen?

KK: I don't know.

Mommy: You would kick them as hard as you could and scream as loud as you could.

KK (very surprised): But I might hurt them or hurt their ears.

Mommy: That's ok. If someone is trying to take you away, you have to kick and scream as loud as you can, so mommy can hear you. It's ok to hurt them.

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We've been repeating this one over and over this summer and she's finally giving me the right answers, except that she still asks to make sure it's ok to kick and scream, even though it might hurt someone.
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This morning, before we headed out to the park, we had this conversation:

Mommy: If you can't find mommy, what do you do?

KK: I find a mommy with kids and tell her I can't find my mommy and JJ.

Mommy: Good. And what if someone tells you that they have candy and you need to come to their car?

KK: Hmmmmm. I should tell them that I need to ask you first.

Mommy: Good. What if it's a kitty that they have in their car and they say your mommy is too busy?

KK: I should tell them that I should wait until my mommy isn't busy and ask her first.

Mommy: Right. And what if they pick you up and carry you away?

KK: I should kick them and scream as loud as I can. But what if I hurt their ears? Is it ok to hurt their ears?

Mommy: Yes, it's ok to hurt their ears. Mommy needs to be able to hear you.

A few minutes later, a new thought occurred to me:

Mommy: KK, what if someone asked you to come to their car for candy or to see their kitty and they said that your mommy said it was ok?

KK (shrugging her shoulders): I would say, "Ok".

Mommy: But what if they were lying and mommy didn't say it was ok?

KK: I don't know.

Mommy: You still need to say that YOU need to ask your mommy. It is your job to always check with mommy first, no matter what they say to you.
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Why don't I simply say, "don't talk to strangers?" Because most abductions are not by strangers and sometimes we DO have to talk to strangers and the line of when it is and isn't ok is not clear enough for a child to understand.

Have you had a conversation like this with your child yet? If you haven't, please do. And if you have any other tips, please share them in the comments.

We all want to keep our babies safe.

More on depression (or why I haven't been writing)

(I wrote about depression once before. You can find that post here. I write in the hopes that I can clear up some misunderstandings about depression or at least explain how it affects me.)

I go through pretty predictable cycles of depression. Not predictable in that I could mark it on my calendar, although truthfully, I've never tried, so maybe I could. But predictable in that the factors are almost always the same and I can usually catch my descent before it gets to the point that I need outside help.

A cycle typically starts with me getting over-tired. Several nights up with a sick kid, a difficult recovery from working night shifts, a camping trip... or sometimes all of the above. I legitimately need to rest, so I limit plans and stay close to home. Unfortunately, not getting out causes me to start descending into depression. And what happens next is what I believe is a poorly understood part of depression.

As I start to feel less able to cope with life, I tend to pull into where I feel safe. Since I'm a hermit anyways, I tend to hide myself away more and more. But not getting out leads me into depression. As I start slipping, it gets harder and harder to organize myself. I can't complete thoughts. I can't make decisions. My sis-in-law describes it perfectly as "like a state of confusion".

In this state of confusion, where I can't make plans and can't make decisions, the smallest things overwhelm me. It's like trying to climb over a small hill, except that it feels like a huge mountain. So trying to pack a diaper bag to go out for the morning, or get the kids dressed feel like massive jobs with millions of steps and I can't figure out where to start. Small things overwhelm me, causing me to pull in further to where I feel safe.

For someone who has never experienced depression, it seems so simple. Just get out more and I'll feel better. But I can't make myself go out. I can't figure out how to do it. I'm confused, remember?

Usually, I can catch a cycle of depression before it gets to the point where I actually need someone to take over for me. It's taken several episodes of depression and some counselling to get me to the point where I can recognize the signs and implement plans to get myself back on track.

Sometimes, though, it sneaks up on me and blindsides me. And then Peanut-lover has to take over. (Thank you Lord that he has intentionally stretched his own understanding to learn more about how depression affects me and how he can help me deal with it). Peanut-lover offers me rest and then walks me through decision-making and plan-making until I feel that I can take it on again.

Last week, I got blindsided.

And I crashed.

I can look back over the 6 weeks and see all the signs now, but I really didn't see it coming this time. I just thought I was tired. (And I had plenty of reasons to be tired, believe me). Each day last week was progressively worse, until Friday, where I spent most of the day in tears.* By the time Peanut-lover got home, I was a complete mess.... I couldn't stop crying and I had started thinking irrational thoughts that I hadn't entertained for years.

(*Here seems like a good time to clarify that depression is not just a deeper level of sadness. Although sadness can be involved, it is the confusion and inability to organize that are the immobilizing factors of depression.)

Peanut-lover let me cry it all out, held me, prayed with me, and then started making decisions for me. For someone who takes care of people for a living (at work AND at home), it is a great relief to have the load taken off of me every-so-often. Peanut-lover sent the kids out with Grandma and Grandpa for the evening and took me for a burrito and a walk. He implemented Tuesday nights as our night where we hang out together after the kids are in bed and catch up with each other. He insisted that I make plans once-a-month to get out with a girlfriend and helped me figure out how I could make that happen.

The next day, he took the kids for the entire day to visit his family so that I could get caught up on some stuff that had been overwhelming me and get some time to myself. When he got home from his day out with the kids, he helped me clean out the corner of our room beside my side of the bed so that I could relax when I go to bed (a huge project which I will try to blog about soon).

I have a little bit of momentum now, but I need to keep moving. I've made some plans and am working on some more plans for the coming weeks. I work two night shifts this weekend, so I'll be fighting extra hard to avoid falling into the cycle again.

If you deal with depression, what are the skills you have learned to fight it off?

If you know someone who gets depressed, what do you do to support them?

And if you know my husband, can you thank him for being such a strength for me? Aren't I blessed to have him?!