Five things I love about my home

Welcome to five things Thursday! Sorry it's a little late going up today. The bed called to me last night and I've been preparing a splendid supper for the crock pot to cook this morning.

Anywho... this week I'm seeking to find five things I love about my home. When we moved in here 5 years ago, the plan was to be on our way to the next step by now. Peanut-lover and I have been feeling especially restless here lately... longing for, among other things, more space, separate bedrooms for the kids, a yard, a garage. But since life never seems to take us in the direction we expect, or in the time frame we expect, it's time for me to remind myself what I love about living here.

1. My kitchen

I do really love my kitchen. It's not my dream kitchen, but it suits our family perfectly right now. It is dead centre in the middle of our home, and since I spend 90% of my waking hours in there, it is a great place to be and still remain present with the activity of the rest of the household. A woman never has enough cupboards or counter space, but I do have enough to fit all our stuff, to prevent me from buying more stuff, and to force me to keep our stuff organized.

I must say, though, that I much prefer when it looks like this:

...rather than when it looks like this:

(That's KK at JJ's age by the way)

2. Two full bathrooms

We have a main bathroom with a tub, and then an en suite bathroom with a shower. Two bathrooms are so great to have when we are in a hurry, when we are sick, and when we have guests... not to mention, when we are potty-training!

It's also nice that the main bathroom doesn't get used nearly as much as our en suite, so if I'm having guests over, it usually only requires a quick tidy, rather than a deep clean.

3. Carpets

Yeah, I know. Allergies, dust, dirt etc. I still love carpets in our living room. We do a lot of floorplay in there. (And if you had to reread that word after my last post, you'd be right about that too!) (What?! TMI?)

ANYWAYS... we wrestle, we build tents, we cuddle, we read books, we dance. I'm sorry, but an area rug just isn't the same.

4. In-suite laundry

I do a load of laundry almost every day. And sometimes, I do emergency loads. Like when JJ bathes his blankie in the toilet, or someone barfs in the bed. Many of the suites in our building do not have a washer and dryer built into them. I have NO idea how I would manage if I had to go down to the laundry room downstairs. NO IDEA.

5. Ownership

Well, we don't own all of our home. But we purchased it at the perfect time, right before prices in this area started sky-rocketing. In the current market, we own a little over 1/3 of our home. When we do move, we will likely move further from the city, where market prices are lower. So for the same mortgage payments, we will be able to upgrade quite a bit. That gives us hope when we get restless about wanting to move up. So far, we have done very well to just wait.

Now it's your turn. What's your five things this week? Write a blog post and link up to join the fun. Or, if you don't have a blog, leave me your list in the comments. You don't have to copy my topic, but feel free if you need a little direction. I can't wait to hear what y'all have to say!

One thing I'm working on: Let's talk about sex, baby

If the title itself didn't scare you away, and you're the type that gets queasy when talking about sex, this one might not be for you. Or maybe, if talking about sex actually makes you queasy, why don't you just pop a couple of gravol and stick around. Maybe you've never looked at it from this perspective before. Your call.

(I have three pages of notes sitting in front of me and I can't figure out where to begin.)

One of the topics that was covered at the marriage conference we attended (read about it here) was physical intimacy. You could tell as we approached this talk, that most of the men were really excited about this one (Yay! They're going to tell my wife she needs to have more sex with me) and the women were dreading this one (Oh no! They're going to tell me I need to have more sex with my husband). Let me tell you, I came out of there heaving a big sigh of relief. They gave us some good facts and I'll work them in throughout this post. That and having a husband who is a really great communicator has led to some pretty big insights for me on this topic. I'd like to share them with you and show you a little of what I'm working on right now. Be nice to me. This has been a really hard one to write.

Ok, here goes.

Am I the only one who, growing up, really looked forward to this aspect of the marriage relationship and then was pretty shocked, when finally married, to find out that it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be?

It's taken me seven years of marriage to realize something about sex in marriage. In a christian relationship, we start building every other aspect of our relationship before the wedding, but are taught not to deal with the sex part until after the wedding - and yet for some reason, we come into the marriage expecting that the sex part is going to be just as healthy as the rest of the relationship. No wonder a new bride is a little stunned after the honeymoon!

No one teaches us as women how difficult this aspect of the relationship will be. No one tells us that it will require extraordinary amounts of communication between partners to get it right. No one tells us (or more specifically our husbands) that 70% of women require 15 minutes of direct stimulation you-know-where to achieve you-know-what. It doesn't look like that in the movies, does it? FYI: those are actors (as my husband frequently reminds me).

We just don't talk about sex and I think we should. Clearly, the "not talking about it" way isn't working. Not for me, anyways.

It seems to me, that a lot of us (me included at times), treat our husband's God-given need for sex as a problem. His problem in fact. When in truth, it is just as great a need for him as is our need for love. And it is our job to meet that need for our husbands. Yet so many christian men seem to be struggling with the fact that their sexual needs aren't being met by their wives. It leaves them feeling like they are dirty or inadequate for having these needs. So they feel like they have to kill their sex-drive in order to remain in relationship with their wives, but they can't. Needs are non-negotiable. God placed these needs within them for us, and only us, to meet.

One of the most profound things that I heard at the marriage conference was this: wives, you are the only righteous way that your husbands have to deal with the sexual desires that God has placed within them.

Isn't that a beautiful way to picture yourself? Righteousness for your husband. Hearing that has completely changed the way I view sex. Completely.

Sexuality is an area of big difference for men and women. Huge difference. We women, in general, don't receive love through sexual intimacy, but our husbands do. My husband has in fact told me that one of the most important ways for me express my love to him, and for him to feel emotionally connected to me, is through sexual intimacy. Men find it very hard to lovingly care for us the way we need when their sexual needs are not being met.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. For me to feel loved, I need touch and emotional connection with my husband. Stats show that most women need 8-10 non-sexual touches a day to be healthy. Healthy. But you know what? Non-sexual touch doesn't come naturally to my husband unless he is being fulfilled sexually. He just doesn't remember. But when he is feeling fulfilled, it is very natural for him to want to touch me more often and to connect with me emotionally. Conversely, I don't feel much in the mood if I haven't been having my need for touch and emotional connection met. But if he's touching me throughout the day, and calling home just to see how I'm doing... when he gets home, well, you know.

So we come to this gap between us and one of us has to cross first.

Crossing the gap. That's what marriage is - each one choosing to step out across the gap to be with the other. Marriage isn't each giving 50-50... that's cohabitation and I'd venture to guess that none of us really want to just cohabitate with our partner when we could live in a love so much greater than that.

I guess we could sit and wait for our partner to cross the gap first, but our job in marriage is not to make our partner do his or her part - it is to do our part regardless of how well they do theirs. And we married amazing people, didn't we? They just need us to cross the gap to meet them. Someone has to move first.



I think it's worth it. (It might even be fun!)


So there you have it. One thing I'm working on.

And, um, if you call after the kids are in bed and you don't get an answer, um, just leave a message, mkay?


Disclaimer: This is not to suggest that abuse is acceptable. Sex is only right when it is freely given by both partners, within the safety of the marriage commitment.

Five things I love about photography

Welcome to Five Things Thursday!

(Um, you may have noticed that I've been absent all week. I can't really say why, I've just had trouble finding time. In fact, there have been many days that I haven't even turned on the computer. If you have a blog, that would also be why you haven't noticed me around.)

It's no great secret that I love photograpy. I have no skills, just love what I can capture with my camera. Here are five things that I love to about photography:

1. Capturing moments


2. Capturing personalities


3. Capturing priorities


4. Capturing Beauty

5. Capturing relationships

Now it's your turn. What's your five things this week? Write a blog post and link up to join the fun. Or, if you don't have a blog, leave me your list in the comments. You don't have to copy my topic, but feel free if you need a little direction. I can't wait to hear what y'all have to say!

*** Mr Linky seems to be down right now, so add your link in the comments for this week ***

Five things I love about having my kids share a room

Welcome to Five Things Thursday! I hope you can join in and play along :)

My kids share a room. It is one of the things about our current living arrangement that I hate the most. So, I figured it was about time I started thinking about some of the positives of having my kids share a room. Let's see if I can stretch it to five:

1. I can tend to them both at the same time

I try to see this as a benefit. There are occasions where I'm the only parent available and to have them both needing me at the same time, yet in different rooms, would be really challenging. There's been many times where I've been able to talk KK through something in order to delay her until I can get JJ settled.

2. 17 seconds to vacuum

With furniture lining the entire perimeter of their room, there is approximately 1 square foot of carpet left uncovered. It takes more time to open the door than it does to vacuum their room.

3. Less wall space to feel guilty about not decorating

Since their room is so full of necessities, and there is really no room for anything else, I have let myself off the hook when it comes to decorating their room. For awhile, I worked on a gender neutral theme, but it is just too cluttered in there. For now, KK and I dream together of what her future room will look like. (If you're thinking over-the-top girly, with a pink chandelier, you'd be right!)

4. One of everything

One monitor, one fan, one humidifier, one CD player, one crib, one toddler bed, one closet, one dresser, one rocking chair, one nightlight. One square foot of carpet.

5. Giggles in the morning

These two are already starting to take care of each other. KK has taken to entertaining JJ in his crib when he wakes up, leaving me enough time to lay in bed and check facebook, twitter, email, and google reader shower. And since we all know I'm not a morning person, anything that makes mornings easier gets much love from me! The other morning, I came in the room after my shower and KK had actually dressed JJ, and had even put shoes on him!


Now it's your turn. What's your five things this week? Write a blog post and link up to join the fun. Or, if you don't have a blog, leave me your list in the comments. You don't have to copy my topic, but feel free if you need a little direction. I can't wait to hear what y'all have to say!

***Mr Linky stays open until next Thursday when I post my next Five Things Thursday, so join in whenever you are able***

The Difference between Boys and Girls, Part 2

You can read the first installment here.

I find it entertaining, educational, and awe-inspiring to watch how my children interact with the same toys.

Dolls

Since about when KK turned one, she has been inseparable from dolls. At any given moment, she will have one to six "babies" and often another in her tummy. She cares for their every need, tucks them into bed, tells them stories, names them, and teaches them how to interact with each other. She's a little mommy. Once, when we forgot to bring a doll with us on a trip, she actually toted around a bottle of shampoo as her baby for an entire week.

JJ, on the other hand, has been seen hugging a doll once or twice. He finds dolls are better suited for hitting things with (their heads make a delightful sound), chewing on, throwing, using as a stool, and hiding to torture his sister.

Trucks

Now, JJ is all over trucks. He is brrrrmm-brrrrmmming all day long, driving them all over walls, chairs, tables, and mommy. He notices every vehicle when we are out for walks. Loud trucks deserve a moment of silence and reverence.

KK also plays with trucks. She names them, makes one of them the mommy and then invents all kinds of stories with them. Yes, to KK, even trucks are dolls.

If I were the type to believe that we socialize our children to become either feminine or masculine, all I'd have to do is watch my children for a couple of hours to see that femininity and masculinity are built right into us from the beginning. The fact that I think gender roles are a good thing, well, that's a whole other post.

Managing the toys

Kids toys.

They could take over our world. Of our 900 square feet in this apartment, currently 637 sq. ft. are occupied by dolls, doll clothes and equipment, puzzles, blocks, trucks, balls, lego, books, crayons, preschool workbooks, and other miscellaneous other toys.

I have been very strict with certain family members (you know who you are*) about the quantity and size of toys that enter our home, yet these toys still seem to multiply and fill every available space.

I have discovered that more toys does not necessarily equal less bored children. It is actually the opposite. If there are so many toys that they are just piled in a jumbled mess in the corner, the kids don't know what to play with or how to play with them. They actually play better with less choices and more organization of their toys.

Our little world could be chaos, but I have a system.*

I have separated the toys into 3 rotations, doing my best to separate those naughty toys that have the highest propensity for reproducing together from each other. (Dolls seem to be the most likely to reproduce for some reason).

At the beginning of each month (or whenever I finally get to it), I go through all the toys that are in circulation. I keep the ones that are getting high amounts of playtime, remove those with moderate to little interest, and throw away or fix those toys that are broken (goodbye McDonald's toys). I donate toys that have been outgrown, or store toys that KK has outgrown, but JJ is not quite ready for yet. I also donate any toys that have had a high reproductive rate recently. (Anyone know of some birth control options for dolls?)

It takes me about an hour or two each month to manage the toys this way, but it is so worth it. The next few mornings, the kids run around like it's Christmas, checking out all their "new" toys. It's good for mommy too because, let me tell you, playing with the same toy over and over and over and over could seriously drive me over the edge.

It works really well in our home, but could still use some tweaking. What do you do to manage the toy chaos in your home?

*I can't take credit for my system. The same Grandma person who keeps buying my kids too many toys is the same person who taught me about toy rotation. (Thanks mom).

Conversations with KK: Someday

When KK gets talking about how much bigger she is than JJ, I like to remind her that one day, he'll be bigger than her.

It must have finally sunk in the other day because when I said it, she looked at me, surprised, and said, "What day? Wednesday?"

Well, maybe not Wednesday, looking at the size of him now, but I get the feeling it'll be sooner than any of us are ready for it!

Five things I love about my body

Welcome to Five Things Thursday! This week's love affair is five things I love about my body. Yes, this body. And no, there will be no pictures this week. Thanks for asking.

If you're thinking this would be one of those posts that falls under the category of things I don't really love but am learning to be content with, you'd be right.

Let's get on with it.


1. My birthmark

I have this little birthmark on my left upper arm. Unless I've pointed it out to you, you probably wouldn't even know it was there. It's cute and little. It makes me unique. It looks like an island. I like it. I've always liked it.

2. My stretchmarks

I have more than my fair share of stretchmarks. Truth be told, I have more than five women's fair share of stretchmarks. I often look at them with disgust and wish my body could be back to what it was like when I only thought it wasn't perfect. But sometimes, I run my fingers over the more prominent marks and remember that brief time when I sacrificed my body for the sake of my children. I remember what it felt like to feel my babies move and stretch within me.

Truth be told, only those whose lives have been affected by the result of these scars on my body will ever see these marks. And they think I'm beautiful for what I did to create this family.

3. My tummy

KK has been asking lately why my tummy is so big. I keep telling her that I grew two babies in there and that it's harder for the muscles to hold everything together now (and that it's not nice to tell someone that their tummy is big).

I am probably most self-conscious about my tummy. Yet, it is where my children love to cuddle and if that's not reason enough to love it, I don't know what is!

4. My hair

Ok, so I've been complaining about my hair a lot lately, but I really am blessed with great hair. It's easy to maintain, extremely thick, and very healthy. I should stop complaining.

5. My height

I'm 5'4''. I'd like to think that's average height, but I'm married into a family of abnormally tall people, so I'm referred to as "short" quite frequently. But, short or not, I like this height. I deal with shorter people all day, and I have little distance to travel to get down to their level. I never have trouble finding pants that are long enough for my short legs. If I need to get something that is out of my reach, I can either grab a chair or play the damsel in distress and get my hubby to reach it for me. He's one of those abnormally tall people.

Ok, that wasn't so hard.

Now it's your turn. What's your five things this week? Write a blog post and link up to join the fun. Or, if you don't have a blog, leave me your list in the comments. You don't have to copy my topic, but feel free if you need a little direction. I can't wait to hear what y'all have to say!

***Mr Linky stays open until next Thursday when I post my next Five Things Thursday, so join in whenever you are able***

How our story began

It was September 2000.

No, wait. Let's start before that.

It was, uh, before September 2000. Peanut-lover was praying for a wife.

(Oh, except that he wasn't Peanut-lover yet, because there was no Peanut yet, so he was just himself.)

(Hmmmm... not that I didn't exist yet. I'm young, but not that young.... but... oh just keep reading!)

He'd been praying for a wife for about two years and God had given him a vision of what it would be like to meet me her. And it happened just like he'd seen:

It was September 2000. The first day back at school. Peanut-lover was walking through one of the buildings on campus, and he saw me. He tells me that he walked by several times, trying to get a good look at me, and maybe even my attention. I was too busy reading to notice him. What was I reading? Finding the Love of Your Life. I tell no lies.

That night, he announced to his friends that he'd found the woman he was going to marry. Of course, they wanted to know all about me. All he knew was that I was wearing an orange shirt. So, for a few days, I was "the girl in the orange shirt". When that got a little old, they named me Natasha (not my real name).

His friends told him that I probably had a boyfriend and to pay attention to my outfit the next time he saw me. If I wasn't dressed up, then I had a boyfriend. The next time he saw me, I was wearing track pants and a t-shirt, ponytail and running shoes. Yep. I had a boyfriend.

I first saw Peanut-lover a few days later at my church. Don't ask me anything about the service that day because all I could tell you is that a couple rows ahead of me was this tall, hot guy, in a bright red shirt, with shoulders and arms that I couldn't stop staring at.

For a few weeks, we saw each other around campus a few times. Once, we even sat at the same table, studying. I didn't say we were studying our books. But it still took a few weeks for Peanut-lover to get up the nerve to make his big move: he sent his friend Jen over to meet me. Before we knew it, the three of us were hanging out all the time.

Oh, right. The boyfriend problem. Well, Peanut-lover asked me about that. I informed him that the guy I was dating was just for fun. Oh, and then I pulled out a picture of the guy I was actually going to marry once he realized he couldn't live without me achieved some career goals. Confused? Yeah, so was Peanut-lover.

(I know, right? What can I say? I'm not proud of me, but having had my heart recently broken, and finding myself suddenly the object of a lot of male attention, I wasn't being particularly careful with the hearts that were being handed to me. Not proud, but it's accurate history.)

Well, it took him 3 months, but Peanut-lover finally won my heart. Although if he'd been paying attention, it might have taken him a little less time. (Yo, Peanut-lover: remember the night you came over to help me study? Did you notice the candles and romantic music? Yeah, well, I didn't really want to study. But, uh, thanks anyways.)

The jury is still out about who kissed who first. (I blame him. He blames me.) Regardless, the two kisses in question were just minutes apart and it was kind of assumed that we were a couple after that. That was December 2, 2000 and we have been inseparable ever since.

(Oh, and then he started calling me Peanut. I'd like to think it's because he thinks I'm cute and little... and not that I cause life-threatening allergies.)


More to come...

Days I hate

Most of the time, I love this mom thing. And I love this housewife thing.

Yes.

I love cleaning my house. True story.

But some days, when the little people are especially demanding... and the laundry pile is especially high... and there's no real clear plan for dinner... and socks get dipped in the toilet... and porridge gets thrown at me... and a potty-trained-for-nearly-2-years child has an accident... and the dishes seem to be multiplying like bunnies... and the cost of a shower is a completely torn apart bedroom...



Well, those days can't go by fast enough for me.

And how do I handle them? What great skill have I developed for dealing with these miserable days?

So glad you asked.

I model bad behaviour for my kids. Yep, temper tantrums, throwing toys, kicking the cat doors, yelling, swearing.

That's how I roll.

I'm so proud of me. Can't you tell?

Note to self: Uh oh

Note to self: If a sockless little boy, who was previously wearing socks, comes into the kitchen repeating "uh oh" and shaking his head... check the toilet first.

Oh, and bring a towel. That's one puddle you don't want to slip in.

Oh yeah, and toilet locks? They work best when actually locked. Just sayin'.

He just can't win

No matter how late KK goes to bed, she always wakes up in time to join Peanut-lover for breakfast. It doesn't matter when he gets up, she always seems to wake up at the same part of his morning routine and comes in the bedroom to find him. Even when we got home late last Sunday night and didn't get the kids settled until around midnight (and I foolishly stayed up late thinking I was guaranteed a sleep-in), KK was still up at 7 on the dot to join her daddy for breakfast.

Now don't get me wrong, Peanut-lover appreciates this special time with his girl and realizes how important it is to her. But every once-in-a-while, he just wants a little quiet time in the morning, because, well, breakfast with a 3-year-old is anything but quiet.

So today, he got up at 6 and was extra super-duper quiet. He oh-so-quietly shut our bedroom door and tiptoed out into the kitchen, holding his breath even, just in case breathing would wake the little princess up... and nearly jumped right out of his skin when he was greeted by a very-chipper-for-6-in-the-morning "Hi Daddy" and a bright-eyed, crazy-haired little girl just sitting there waiting for him and petting her kitty.

Poor guy. He just can't win.

Bloggy Updates

It's been overdue a LONG time, but, I finally updated my favourite post lists (thanks to my BFF Harmony for all the hours she put in going back over all my posts!). If you're not sure what I'm talking about, scroll down and on my sidebar you'll see two lists of My Faves.

Now, I realize that the lists are too long. I always have trouble editing these kinds of things, so I'm just going to leave them up there for a little while and see where people go. And then hopefully shorten them up a little.

I've also changed the pictures of the kids and I'm dreaming up an idea for a new header (but lack the drawing skills to make it happen). I'm also toying with the idea of a complete makeover. Maybe even polka dots.

Watch for it!

Forgiveness

Until I became a parent, I never really understood my relationship with God as a father. I got it on an intellectual level, but never really saw how God sees me as his child. As I have been teaching, guiding, and learning to discipline my 3-year-old, God has given me glimpses of what I look like through his eyes.

Yesterday morning, KK earned herself some discipline for being disrespectful (yelling at me) and defiant (refusing to obey). After I disciplined her, we began the process of reconciliation. In our home, the process is not complete until she apologizes for her behaviour. Once she apologizes, I offer her forgiveness and wipe her slate clean. By that, I mean that as soon as forgiveness is granted, it is as if the bad behaviour never occurred. So I'm not still angry or hurt and she is not still being punished. (We'll have to tweak that a little when she gets older and her punishment includes longer term consequences).

The hardest part for KK is humbling herself to say she is sorry. And that's the hardest part for me too, because I want so badly to forgive her and be at peace with her, and yet, I have to wait until she comes to me.

Today, she kept trying to tell me she was sorry, but couldn't complete the sentence. First, she climbed off my lap and picked up her toys, watching my reaction to see if she was forgiven. Then she climbed back into my arms and tried to be reconciled to me, but still couldn't do it. So she tried picking up her clothes. I kept telling her that all she had to do was tell me she was sorry and I'd forgive her and we'd be right again, but she still couldn't do it. She wanted to earn my good favour instead of admitting that she'd done wrong.

Finally, after about 10 minutes of this, KK came and apologized to me. I told her that I forgave her and that I loved her. Immediately, we were reconciled. In that moment, the weight of her sin came off of her and instantly, she was a happy, dancing, laughing little girl again.

Isn't that like us? We think we can be reconciled to God by doing good. That we will earn his good favour by cleaning up our lives or helping other people. We keep coming back to him, expecting to be reconciled, but it's not there. And all God wants us to do is to tell him that we are sorry and ask for his forgiveness. It seems so simple. Too simple. And it is simple. But it requires that we come to him in humility. And that's hard.

But, oh, don't we feel free when we do?!