For the record

To ease my guilty conscience Just so you know, I'm not as grumpy mean exasperated frustrated a mommy as my last post made me sound.

Most days, I patiently and lovingly answer KK's questions all day long without telling her to stop. It is only after approximately 7 straight hours of patiently and lovingly answering her questions, that I finally get exasperated.

Most of the time, I'm really patient and loving. I just crack every once-in-awhile. In between times of being really patient and loving.

And, let there be no doubt, I adore this little girl:

Why did we teach her how to talk?

Somedays, today for example, I really think I might go out of my mind. If I'm lucky, it will be a day when I'm at home all day instead of out in public where people can judge me.

Why would they judge me?

Well, you might judge me too if you saw a delightful little girl, chatting with her mommy while her mommy grocery shops and over and over you heard her mommy say, "Stop asking me questions for five minutes. No. More. Questions!"

I love that she is inquisitive and I love that she can talk so well. I love that I can get a little insight into what is important to her and what is going on in her precious little mind. But some days, aaaaarrrrggggghhh! Stop asking me questions! Just let me finish one coherent thought!

Honestly, I didn't realize how much time I spent thinking, figuring out, or imagining until I was constantly prevented from doing so, every 30 seconds times infinity!

Tonight, driving back from a too long ride to pick up Daddy from work and then running around trying to chase down some equipment Daddy needed, with JJ screaming the entire 3 hours... KK was asking why to every. single. thing. I. said.

"Is that an airplane?"

"Yes"

"Why that an airplane?"

"Because it is" (the answer to a lot of questions lately)

"Why that not a kite?"

Hmmmm....

Finally Daddy started pestering her with questions. "Why is that an airplane KK? Why isn't it a kite?"

"Stop it Daddy!" she said. "I'm not your mommy!"

Big News for JJ

I've done the calculations (will I get a mark for showing my work?): JJ has now been out longer than he was in! He'll be 9 months in a couple of days. NINE MONTHS! I've got to stop blinking!

And more big JJ news: he's an official crawler now! Not fast enough to get into too much trouble, but proficient enough to be un-cranky about it.

Did you see my extra couple of hours?

I'm confused. Ok, generally that could be said of me any day, but lately I've been extra confused.

Did "they" shorten our day by about two hours and I missed the announcement? Anyone know? 'Cause seriously, I can't figure out where my time is going these days. I feel like I'm always running a couple of hours behind and barely even getting the basics done.

Am I more disorganized?

Are the kids busier?

Is that other adult in the house changing the clocks around on me? (And what was his name again?)

Maybe since it is fall now, the days actually are getting shorter! I have so many things I plan to do beyond basic housecleaning (and I mean basic... just ask my mom):

- Peanut-lover and I are writing and recording a song for KK for her birthday. That usually gets done about 10-11:30 pm. We also need to review and organize the best videos of the year for her birthday movie.

- I'm trying to find time to post our camping pics, our Doodlebops pics, and various other summer pics here and on facebook.

- I have great ambition to spend one of JJ's naps/day doing a special "big-girl" activity with KK.

- I have some much thought out posts I want to write. The really good kind. The kind about being a mommy or realizations I've had that have helped me in this emotional journey of being a mommy.

- I want to print out some pictures to update the frames around our home.

- I'm supposed to be doing my physio exercises every day and have instead been replacing them with too much tylenol (bad nurse!)

- I need to schedule doctor's appointments for everyone... we are WAY WAY behind on those.

I could bore you with more things on my to-do list, but I think you get the idea.

So if you see those extra two hours out there, hitch-hiking or shopping for new shoes, could you pick them up and bring them back to me? They are not old enough to be out on their own!

We're in so much trouble!

These are not posed pictures. My nearly-three-year-old doesn't do posed anymore. These are all natural.

We are in so much trouble when she finally figures out that she can't marry daddy!

Things I Love Thursday - Ikea extendable bed

When it came time to move KK out of her crib, I got very stressed. I was already pregnant with JJ and could not figure out how we were going to fit two kids into our tiny second bedroom. I knew the only option would be to get a toddler bed. I was pretty sure, however, that my abnormally tall daughter was likely to outgrow a toddler bed before we were ready to move into a larger place. (I was right.) (That happens sometimes.)

Enter the Ikea extendable bed. Ikea must have a lot of moms creating products because they have some genius ideas. This bed starts out the length of a toddler bed, but extends all the way to the size of a twin. It just slides apart to whatever length you need and you add cushions that are about a foot long to extend the mattress part.

Here it is at the shortest length, which we used for a year:


We recently extended it a foot because, as much as I tell her not to, she keeps growing. Here's what it looks like now:


It's so perfect for us because, as you can tell, we cannot fit a twin bed in there:

These are the best pictures I could get of the room without removing a wall, which, incidentally would solve our space issues. Unfortunately, I'm sure the strata would not support us moving into the staircase next to our apartment. (Take a guess at how much I love having my kids' room right next to the building's staircase!)

Another thing I love about the bed is that it can hold an adult's weight. You purchase the wooden slats that go under the mattress separately and they are very thick and strong. It is nice to be able to cuddle in bed with her when we tuck her in at night. I've heard that a lot of toddler beds aren't made to hold an adult's weight.

For sheets, we first used a stretchy crib mattress sheet when we had the bed at the shortest setting (the bed is a little wider than a crib). Once we extended the bed, we used a twin fitted sheet and tucked the bottom end under the mattress (which is the extra cushion), anchoring the corners where the two cushions meet.

Anyways, that's the bed I love right now... and hopefully KK doesn't grow more than a foot in the next year! While I try to keep my daughter from growing any more, why don't you pay a visit to Things I Love Thursday at Diaper Diaries to find out about more great products.

Bloggy news

A couple of things I want to let you know about.

See those pretty pink buttons below my header, just above my posts? I broke into the html and figured out how to add those (ok, by "figured out", I mean read up on it at Blogger Buster, copied and pasted code, then adapted it to what I wanted).

Anywho, I finally got the "about" section finished. Go check it out.

I also added a contact email. For those of you that I know in my "real" life, please keep contacting me through my other email. This one is just for my blog.

I'll be tweaking a little at a time as I get more confident about what I want in my blog and how to get it. Please let me know if you start having any difficulty viewing my blog, or if you start finding it takes too long to load.

Any ideas about how I could tweak it up a notch? Feel free to give me suggestions!

Wfmw - Cutting Onions

Ok, I might be the last person on earth to have noticed this, and if so, then this post is just so you all can congratulate me for finally figuring it out... but just in case there is someone else out there who hasn't...

I realized recently that I have not been using the fact that onions have layers to my full advantage. Yes, onions have layers, as do ogres, cake, and parfait. (Shrek has been known to babysit my children more often than I'd like to admit.)

If I cut the onion in half, from end to end, (instead of parallel to the ends), it takes advantage of the onion layers.



I can then take one of those halves and cut it in slices, and then cut the slices cross-wise and the layers all fall apart into perfect sized little pieces. If I want smaller pieces, I just cut smaller slices.




This has greatly reduced my tears related to frustration, although it has done little for those tears related to onion juice droplets in my eyes. (If you've got tips on that, leave me a comment... PLEASE!)


Another simple tip I discovered is for green onions. I cut the length in half, and then in half again. Then I cut all these smaller pieces at the same time instead of cutting a skinny little onion from one end to the other. I may only be saving myself seconds, but for some reason it feels better on my knife to be cutting a larger amount at one time. I'm strange like that.




For more great tips, head on over to Works For Me Wednesday at Rocks in my Dryer.

Waiting, waiting...

I know you, my faithful readers, have been waiting for a post today. I actually have about twenty posts in the works (true story), but it's the finding time to write issue that keeps me from posting as often as I'd like.

For most of the day, my home has looked like this while I have tried to catch up on laundry (somehow, pictures never capture the overwhelmingness of it):

And I have a son who is at the very last pre-crawling stage. The one where he knows he can do it and keeps trying, but spends his entire day crying and yelling at his legs because he can't do it yet. I'd like to think that I might be a little less busier when he finally does crawl, but I'm not that inexperienced. He'll be happier. I'll be busier.

I'm writing now to let you know that I will be posting later this evening for Works for Me Wednesday. A tip about onions. Yes, Dad, you read that right. Onions.

Conversations with KK: ...And God?

A few months ago, KK surprised me by asking if she could pray before lunch. And a beautiful prayer it was:

"Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong. They are weak but he is strong. Amen!" (Complete with breaks for her to grab another bite of food).

Every once-in-awhile she would ask to pray again and it was always the same prayer.

Then she started asking to pray at every meal. And the prayer got shorter:

"Jesus loves me this I know, and thank you for the food... and my cousins. Amen!"

Now she's shortened it even more:

"Jesus loves me and the food. Amen!"

I should probably teach her how to pray properly, but I think it's ok to let her be little for just a tiny bit longer... right?

The News Walk

Something has been bothering me lately, and it gets me really annoyed when I watch the news.

Does anyone else out there get bothered by the news walk? You know, when they are going to interview someone and first they show them walking? What is that?

What is the conversation that gets that going? "Ok. You walk along this wall and I'll tape it. It will make everyone think you're really busy and important."

I know if it was me (which it wouldn't be because I'm not newsworthy, and that's ok with me), it would be the most uncomfortable walk ever. It would probably consist of me tripping over nothing and then awkwardly catching myself, only to walk right into a pole.

----------------------------------------

On a completely unrelated note, I've been changing things around a little here in bloggyland. I'm not sure I like it though. What do you think?

Three's a Crowd

I'm writing this post as part of Soap Opera Sunday which is being hosted by one of my favourite bloggers, Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary. Honestly, I can't believe she reads my stuff because her writing is SO GOOD! Sometimes I think she is me because she writes exactly what I'm feeling, except in an articulate, introspective way.

This week's theme is "Three's Company or Three's a Crowd."

Back when I was thirteen, I was a happy-go-lucky, naive little girl. Clueless about a lot, let me tell you.

Youth Group was where you could find me every Friday night. Yes, even though my younger brother claimed he never wanted to be a teenager if it meant giving up Friday family night to go hang out with friends. Oh, I was a family girl, just not on Friday nights.

This particular Friday night, we had gone out to some meeting for something at some camp out somewhere. The details are slightly foggy. After the service, or meeting, or whatever it was, we were all just hanging out in little groups, doing what teens do best, just hangin'.

Somehow, I found myself alone with a much older guy and girl. They were probably 17, which, when you're barely 13, seems practically grown-up. I was cracking jokes with them and probably having what I thought was very mature discussions with them. I had no idea they were just trying to get alone because they liked each other. And probably wanted to make-out. Because I was naive. And clueless. And cluelessly clueless.

Then the guy asked the girl if she wanted to go for a walk. And I said, "Sure! I love walks!". So off we went. The guy. The girl. And me. Smack dab in between them. (I'm so embarassed for myself right now.)

It wasn't until many days later, when I heard the guy talking about how he and this girl were now dating, that I finally got it. Three's a crowd, and number 3? Well, that was me.

To find more on this week's theme, head on over to SOS at the Extraordinary Ordinary. You'll be glad you did!

Con's Funeral

I've been avoiding writing this post for about a week now. I didn't really know what I wanted to say, or how to say it, and I didn't really want to go back through more of the grief again. I think I'm ready now. I'm still not sure how to write this one...

Con's viewing was on Thursday, August 28. We decided not to take KK to the viewing because we thought it would be very emotional and private. We were told that the casket would be open at the funeral, so we felt that would be a better time to let KK see Con's body. So the weenuts stayed at home with my sister-in-law.

It turned out that the viewing was the only time that the casket was open. It was actually a large prayer service with over 200 people. I didn't really know the catholic prayers that were being said, so instead I spent the time pleading with God to raise her up and heal her. I don't know why He didn't, but I do know that He could have. He has a plan in mind and as much as I can't understand it, I trust it.

The funeral was very emotional. Con's husband sat us right up with the family. Peanut-lover was a pall-bearer, so he sat separately from me and KK. If he had been with me, I probably would have spent the entire time sobbing, but as it was, I had to keep KK quiet, so I managed to hold myself together for the most part. It was rough though.

The internment was difficult, but not as hard as I'd expected. Just final. Very final.

In retrospect, we should have taken KK to everything. We ended up just confusing her by not exposing her to the whole process. We had told her that Con was very sick and so her body stopped working. I explained at the funeral that the casket was like a special bed that held Con's body and that we were all sad because we missed Con.

Later KK started saying some very disturbing things which I don't want to repeat. When I couldn't figure out where she got ideas like that, I finally scolded her for them and told her that she was not to say them again. Finally Peanut-lover talked with her and figured out that KK believed that it was only Con's body in the casket, but that her head was still living (as seen in the picture at the funeral). See what I mean about confusing her by not letting her see Con's body?

Oh well. We'll know for next time. (Please Lord, let that be a long time from now.)

We are still grieving, but it is getting easier for us. Most days, I go for several hours without thinking about it and then suddenly, the gravity of the situation shocks me and I have to catch my breath and sometimes have a little cry.

The hard part is seeing the tragedy that is left behind in her husband and two boys. We are most grieved at the pain they are enduring. The new life that they are trying to live, while clinging so hard to the old one. They are suffering and have a long, hard road ahead. If you think of them, pray that Jesus will comfort them and guide them. This is not fair, but it is life. And life sucks sometimes. A LOT.

Going through this experience with them has opened my eyes and given me grace for others. You never know what someone is dealing with in their life. If you had seen Con two weeks before she died, you would not have even thought she was sick. How many other people do we run into every day that are dying from cancer? Or have just lost their mommy? Or just buried their wife? Or are overwhelmed because suddenly, they are having to live a whole new life that they never chose? Those that are experiencing hell on earth still have to go on with life.

Grace for others. If nothing else, that is the good that has come out of this tragedy.

Let the biting begin

Big news around here. JJ has finally cut a tooth! It has just barely cut through the gum, but he's already used it to give me a good bite.

Oh, dear God, help me not wean him!

Excuses Excuses

I've known for awhile now that I'm not a super fun mommy. I'm good at other mommy stuff: cuddling, remembering important things, maintaining a balanced diet, understanding baby cries and toddler speak.

Not so much when it comes to the fun though. That's really the Peanut-lover's domain. The weenuts just love them some playtime with Daddy.

I didn't quite realize how un-fun I actually was until KK verbalized it for me. She's good for that, you know.

She had asked to do something, I can't quite remember what it was now. And I had told her no. Some days, it feels like all I do all day is tell her no. I hate having to be that mommy. (But I'd probably hate it more if she grew up thinking she could always have her way. I knew when I signed up for this that it wouldn't be easy).

So, having received yet another negative response from ultra-fun mommy, she responded, "Why not? Because it too messy? Or maybe it too noisy? Or maybe it have too much sugar in it? Or maybe it raining out there? Or maybe your back hurt? Or maybe..." And on the list went. Which excuse is it this time mommy?

See? Super fun right?

The longest two minutes of my life!

I've been a bad momma again.

This morning we made it to Story Time at our local library. Yay me! I've been trying to make it a regular event for, oh, 2 years now. I'm pretty sure that you can't call one time a "regular event", but guys, I made it on a Monday morning... let's go ahead and celebrate.

Here's how we travelled (and no, that's not a double stroller):


I'm sure there were a few grandmas shaking their heads at me along the way, but it's working for us right now. The kids love it (and yes, JJ is buckled in).

When we made it back to our apartment building, I took KK out while we went up the elevator. At our floor, there was a huge hose blocking the exit from the elevator, so I had to push it out of the way before I could get us out... thus greatly delaying our exit from the elevator. You see where this is going, don't you?

Given the opportunity, the elevator door would gladly crush anyone who got in its way, so when I realized we were taking too long, I yelled at KK to go back in the elevator and frantically started pushing the button to try to hold the door. Then horrified, I watched as it continued to close... with my baby girl still inside.

Ok, so we only have 3 floors in the building, but my little girl didn't know what was happening. I could hear her crying for me as the elevator travelled to its next destination. Then someone else got on the elevator and I heard her crying to them that she wanted her mommy. Then there was silence. For hours it seemed.

Finally the doors opened and my neighbors were there holding her by the hand. She flew into my arms.

Now she won't stop telling me that she's, "too little to go in the elevator all myself." My heart breaks thinking that she thought even for a moment that I'd abandoned her.

Mom, you know that time when I was 4 and I took off in the mall with my little brother, looking for daddy? I'm not sure how you survived that. I couldn't even deal with a 3 floor elevator!

Anyone know where I pick up my bad mommy award?

Daddy Daddy

Hi guys.

I know I've been really lacking in postness lately. Bear with me. I will get back into a regular posting schedule. Right now I'm just too sad to write much. And busy. Really busy somehow.

I really want to write a post about Con's funeral and how we are doing, but I need to put some focus into it and... yeah, not much is in focus these days. I'm finding myself dragging around a lot because I'm waking often or having difficulty getting to sleep. Sigh. And when I'm alone, that's when the sadness gets at me. So it's a little hard to write.

It. Will. Get. Better. I'll hold on to that.

Anyways...

I'll leave you with a little tidbit from KK this evening.

She and I were talking about marriage. I asked her who she was going to marry. She said, "When I get big, I marry somebody name 'My Daddy'. Him name 'Daddy Daddy'".

Shhh! We're going to let her believe that for as long as possible!

KK: Still playing favourites?

Back a few weeks ago, I told you about how I was KK's favourite.

I was surprised to see that she kept it up for a few weeks. I know you're not going to believe me when I say this, but I'll say it anyways: I DID NOT ENCOURAGE THIS!

The other night she rejected Daddy in favour of mommy for her tuck in, as she does every night. Then she reminded him, "You not my favourite".

I told her that she doesn't have to have a favourite. That she can still love both of us.

So I cuddled with her for a few minutes and then she wanted Daddy. And she told me, "I love you AND daddy at the same time."

Music to a mommy's ears.