Another hard post to write: Leukemia

I have this folder in my favourites menu that I never open. It's called Leukemia. I'm not even sure what's in there anymore because I have avoided opening it for so long. I collected various websites that I thought would hold useful information about the disease over 3 years ago when I first found out that my mom had been diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL).

I have ignored it since.

I don't want to think about it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want it in our lives.

But it's still here. And it's so freaking scary that sometimes I think I can't breathe. And every so often, I have to cry hard just to let the top level of the pain out, so I can continue on.

In so many areas of my life, I am an open book. I've always been that way, never seeing the point of trying to pretend that I'm something that I'm not. But in this area, in the dealing with the fact that my mom has cancer, I've kept my feelings pretty private. Even within my family, I have only been able to brush the surface of the realities and the fears. It's strange to be so private about something so huge, but my answer about it is often, "It sucks. I hate it and I don't want to talk about it."

Because CLL is considered a chronic illness, patients go through treatments when their symptoms start adversly affecting their quality of life. The goal isn't to erradicate the disease, but rather to put it into remission for a period of time. So, for example, my mom had 8 monthly rounds of chemo that finished nearly 3 years ago and then did fine for about 2 years. Then her symtoms returned. Now she is back on chemo.

This time, it seems to have hit us really hard. Maybe it's because she seems sicker this time. Or maybe because it feels like the disease is in control right now. Or maybe it's the feeling of defeat in that she has to go back on chemo again. We all know that chemo ain't pretty.

I find myself bouncing around between three of the stages of grief: denial, depression, and anger. The anger, though I know it is something I have to go through, is surprising. I can be ok and then it just hits me, overwhelming me with fury at the disease:

How dare you touch my mom like this? How dare you make her suffer? How dare you cut into our family like this? How dare you make us trample down this unknown path?

This is hard. This sucks. I hate it. I don't want to talk about it, but I have to. It's too big to hold inside myself.

It's here. It's real. It's in my life. It's in my family.

It's leukemia and I hate it.

Things I have learned this week

1. It's not a good idea for a mother of two children to buy just one child a new sippy cup. Even if the other child already has many pink, flowered, fancy sippy cups. She will want the new one, with the sports balls all over it. Because it is not hers. But only until her brother decides he doesn't want it anymore.

2. KK, when given a time limit for a temper tantrum, can throw a mighty tantrum... and then be done with it. Note to self: time limits on temper tantrums = good.

The magic of love and logic

Several months ago, one of the bloggers I follow recommended the book, "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Jim Fay and Charles Fay. (I can't figure out which blogger it was. Sorry.)

It sounded interesting, so I borrowed it from the library and started reading.

It. Is. Genius.

I already knew about giving children lots of choices, but I'd never thought to give them silly choices (just so you can give them MORE choices), but KK loves it.

Watch the magic:

Mommy: KK, you need to go pee before we go out.

KK: I don't need to go pee, I went yesterday.

Mommy: We're not going out until you go pee.

KK: I don't want to pee.

Mommy: GO PEE NOW!

KK (showing signs of frustration): But I don't. have. to. go. pee.

Mommy (remembering the magic): Are you going to pee purple or yellow?

KK: *snicker* I only pee yellow.

Mommy: Are you going to pee sparkly or not?

KK (laughing and heading into the bathroom): I can't pee sparkles!

Mommy: Is your pee going to tinkle or sing?

KK (pants down, sitting on the toilet): My pee doesn't sing, it tinkles!

Mommy: What's that I hear?

KK: I'm peeing!!

Magic, right?

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I find that when I get the most frustrated with the kids, and start yelling and forcing them to do things my way, it's because I'm feeling a loss of control in some way and I'm trying to regain control. But the yelling way doesn't really work, because it just escalates them and then I have to yell louder and we feed off of each others' frustration. The Love and Logic Method makes me feel in control because I'm always giving them two choices, both of which I'm ok with:

- are you going to wear your coat or carry it?

- are you going to clean up your toys now or in 2 minutes?

- are you going to do up your seat belt or should mommy do it?

There's way more to the method than just giving choices too: using enforceable statements, setting a limit once, and the "Uh-oh" song (magic with JJ) are just a few of the other tools I've been using lately.

One of the main concepts behind the method is that children are smart and can (and should) figure stuff out better themselves when given the right learning environment. I noticed, with KK, that when I would lecture her, she would get too stressed and I could tell that the information wasn't getting in. The Love and Logic people explained that that is a typical "fight or flight" reaction to stress. Instead of lecturing when kids do something wrong, the method is to set the limit once, and then apply logical consequences, with a heavy dose of empathy, if the limit is crossed. Kids are smart enough to figure out what behaviour is causing the consequence within one or two episodes.

The heavy dose of empathy, which is made up of pre-practiced statements, is what really helps me with my feelings of frustration and loss of control. Instead of yelling at the kids, I force myself to be empathetic with them, while still administering the consequences. It helps me divert my anger into something productive.

I'm still new at it, so of course I forget to use it many times, but so far, I'm really finding I love this method. More for how it helps me control my frustration with the kids than anything else.

It's not just for early childhood either. The writers have resources for all ages. Click here to check out their website.

Our cave exploring adventure

This is the last part of the story of our Big Camping Trip. You can find Parts 1-4 by clicking here and scrolling down.

On our way home from camping, we decided to check out the Lenore Lake Caves. From the parking lot, it didn't look so bad... paved pathway, concrete stairways:

The kids and I were strongly advised to change from our flip-flops into running shoes. And it's a good thing we did, because it got really rocky:

Proof that I was actually there, since y'all know I'm not much of an outdoorsy person (and this was the easy path):

The part that didn't look so bad:

Nice worn pathways, beautiful views... we just had to keep an eye out for rattlers.

Then it got very rocky for the rest of the way up. It did occur to me that all those rocks fell from somewhere, so I was a bit of a nervous wreck for most of the hike.

Grandpa found the first cave, complete with early cave writings:

(that was a joke)

Up another steep, rocky hill, we found a smaller, more interesting cave:

Grandpa, KK, and JJ pretended to be cavemen. I had no interest whatsoever in getting into that small space:

On our way back down, Grandpa and Grandma decided to run up and check out another cave, but it was a little too much for us with the little ones (yes, we're blaming the little ones here):

It was a fun adventure, after the fact, when we were back on paved pathways again:

And then we drove home.

The End.

Sightseeing in the Okanogan

This is Part 4 of our Big Camping Trip. You can find Parts 1-3 by clicking here and scrolling down.

The area around where we camped was so beautiful, I couldn't stop oohing, aahing, and WOWing. The landscape was so different from what I've ever seen before, having spent all my life in the Pacific Northwest (which is also beautiful, but different beautiful).

Just minutes from our campsite, were the Dry Falls. Massive (3 times larger than Niagara) waterfalls that had dried up years ago:

A perfect opportunity and backdrop for a family photo. For the sake of keeping it real, KK was mid-ginormous temper tantrum when we took this picture. We'll just pretend she's asleep and pat Debbie on the back for getting the quick shot before things got really ugly.

Here are some old caves that were apparently inhabited by people at some point. It's kind of amazing to think about that:

One night, we drove to the Grand Coulee dam and watched a laser light show that was presented on the actual dam. (No pictures of course. I don't know my way around a camera that well.) The information was really interesting and the kids loved the show, but we could have done without the musical interludes, which were a little, um, 80's if you ask me. (I know the 80's are all cool and stuff again, but not for those of us who are going through it the second time!)

Another day, we drove out to Steamboat rock and found a playground for the kids to enjoy.

First, a little romance:

The only way to go down the slide if you're JJ:

Trying to get some creative shots:

All week, they'd been playing in dirt, so I was pretty surprised that the playground only held their attention for 15 minutes. And then they were back to playing in the dirt:

On our way back to the campsite, we found a little surprise:

And Daddy wanted to try some off-roading, although he would like me to make it clear that it wasn't real off-roading since my pleading, complete with tears, kept us from trying anything too crazy:

And then we saw a little more nature:

On our last day, we made a quick stop to check out a local lake. Here's Daddy and JJ checking out the water. The snake-inhabited water. Ew.

And we grabbed another chance for a family photo. This time it was JJ's turn to be uncooperative:

And then a miracle happened:

Two kids, getting along, smiling, and looking at the camera at the same time. I'll try not to complain about the background.

Up next, my last post about the trip: our cave exploring adventure.

And we ate...

This is Part 3 of our Big Camping Trip. You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

If you've been following along with our camping story, you might be wondering what could possibly be so great about the food. And if you've been thinking such wonderings, well then, you've never gone camping with my dad before, have you? My dad, he knows his way around a BBQ. And a camp stove. And the team of my dad and stepmom, Debbie? Well, that's organization like you've never seen before.

I hope you're not hungry.

The first night, after setting up tents in high winds and pouring rain, we gently suggested to my dad that maybe it might be better to find a nearby town and just grab some soup for dinner. But he wouldn't have it and within minutes had this kind of action going:

(That's my dad. Doesn't he just feel like home to look at? Oh, maybe that's just me.)

Despite the winds, despite the rain, burgers bigger-than-you-could-fit-in-your-mouth were on the menu for the first night. YUM:

The morning menus were a special treat. But getting those eggs just right took a little physics, and a shovel:

One oven mitt sacrificed its life for the sake of the eggs. Fortunately, no fingers were harmed in the making of this breakfast, although I think it was a pretty close one:

The eggs:

The toast:

The breakfast:

Yum!

Another breakfast included pancakes and jalepeno-mango sausages. It sounds so wrong, but it tasted so right:



There may have been some complaints about my food photography. (Something like, "What do you mean I can't eat this until you take a picture? I'm hungry now, I'm going to eat!")

So, meals that did not get photographed included:

• pork chops with mushrooms, potatoes, and salad
• sausages with sauerkraut, home-made baked beans, and potatoes,and
• BBQ chicken breast with salad.

Now you all want to go camping with my dad, don't you? But wait. There's more.

Dad and Debbie were given a fancy espresso machine when they got married. It goes everywhere with them:

The only problem? We didn't have electricity at our site, so we had to drive around to locate an electrical outlet. And then drive around some more to find one that worked. Oh, and then plug in the right appliance. (I'm not naming any names). But we had our high-end coffees. And that made us happy :)

....And the Wind Blew...

This is Part 2 of the story of our Big Camping Trip. You can find Part 1 here. ('Cause it'll make more sense).

So we arrived at our beautiful campsite in the Sun Lakes State Park and started setting up camp. We had just finished setting up our tent, and were working on my step-brother DJ's tent when the wind started. And the rain. I did what any proper lady would do: I hid in the tent trailer and let the men do all the work. Unfortunately, that meant I didn't get any pictures. And it was pretty crazy. Or so I was told. And then the rain stopped.

So we all came out to check out DJ's condo tent.

It was pretty fancy, but I thought the spiral staircase coming up from the dining room was a bit much ;)

Once we had camp set up, we immediately got working on the food. There will be a separate blog post about the food. I might title it "Why I need to lose 5 pounds".

The kids got themselves busy playing in the dirt:

KK got some cuddle time with her newest cousin, Abby (after washing her hands, of course):

We grabbed a moment for some pictures, with those who were willing to stop playing in dirt for a moment:

And then we were treated to a gorgeous sunset, while we ate a yummy, yummy dinner:
And then the horizontal rain and winds started again. We quickly retired our card-playing plans and headed to bed for a very rough night. How rough? Well, the next morning:

Ok, he's still cute with a grumpy morning face, but seriously, the night. was. rough. Between being afraid our tent would get blown away over and that there might be serial killers in the bathroom (don't ask!), I didn't get much sleep. (If you knew me in my high-school days, you might be wondering why I didn't just use a cup. Believe me, if I'd had an appropriate container, it would have gotten some appropriate use!)

Fortunately, we had grandparents around to help.

The rest of the days were warm and sunny, but every evening, that crazy wind came up and lasted all night. Apparently, the second night it was the worst, but Peanut-lover and I were so exhausted that we slept right through it! Fortunately, it didn't really rain much after the first night, because our rain tarp's poles gave out in the wind the first night.

During the days, we kept ourselves busy with various activities. We did lots of sight-seeing (more on that in another post), golf, kite-flying:

Tent hiding


Swimming and outdoor bathing:

(Y'all can thank me for not posting the picture of Peanut-lover's bath)

We spent lots of time observing and discussing the other strange campers, such as the family that returned, rejoicing, from an outing with an as-large-as-their-van tumbleweed strapped to the roof of their van. I wish I was kidding.

Or the man who wore his safety vest the entire time he was camping. And his van that declared "Venomous cargo inside".

Or the frat-boy group that camped across the way from us, who drank themselves silly and then yelled at other campers to "shut-up or I'll call the &*$%# Ranger" at 1:30 am and had an hour-long shouting match over whether or not one of them had the right to drive his own vehicle regardless of how drunk he was (which also included many expletives and threats to call the Ranger).

We showered in 3 minutes. We drove long distances for electricity to make coffee. We wore the same dirty clothes every day. We wondered where JJ was and found he had put himself down for a nap in his bed. We ate ice cream. We never played a single game. We slapped mosquitoes. We slept in our clothes.

We had a great time on our first (and last according to Peanut-lover) tent camping trip.

Now... come back next post to hear about the food... don't be hungry.