Big Changes Ahead

For about 4 years now, whenever anyone would ask us how much longer Peanut-lover had until he completed his PhD, we would tell them about another year. The thing with being on the front lines of research is that you can estimate how long a project might take, but since no one has studied that particular thing before, you really can't say how long it might take. It just takes as long as it takes.

Peanut-lover's project has taken just over 5 years. And now we can really say that he will be done in less than a year. He is currently working on his last part of the research and expects to write up his thesis in the new year and defend it in Spring or Summer.

And then what?

Yeah, that's what we'd like to know. Except that we're okay with not knowing. And that is very strange for us.

We are the types that like to have every detail planned out, and yet we have learned to trust God with our plans. He knows the plans that he has for us. Plans for good and not for evil. To give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 if my memory serves me right).

So many times we have laid out plans for ourselves. Good plans. Completely reasonable and worthwhile plans. But at each turn, it seems God has gently led us in the way he has planned for us. If we'd have had our way 10 years ago, we'd both be married to different people. If we'd have had our way 10 years ago, we'd both be miserable in medical careers (not that there's anything wrong with doctors, it's just not the lifestyle that we want for our family). If we'd have had our way 6 years ago, we'd still both be working full-time, waiting for the opportunity to leave the city so we could start our family.

Instead, we can look back over the years of our lives and see how God led us to one another, how he led us both into fulfilling and family-friendly careers, how he provided for us when the numbers didn't add up for me to be at home with the kids, and how he has used our kids to refine us and shape our personalities and priorities.

And so, God has exercised our faith and, though we would like to know the next step, we are ok with waiting until he reveals it to us. That is pretty huge for us.

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A year ago, Peanut-lover told me that a lab in Baltimore was interested in collaborating with him and might be suitable for a post-doctoral fellowship (one of the possible next steps after completing his PhD). He asked me to pray about it. I reluctantly told him I would and then didn't for a long time. Then I started to talk to God about it. Every so often, I prayed that God would give us wisdom about Baltimore, but made sure to tell God that I didn't want to go! I asked him to soften my heart about it though, if it was meant to be.

Fast forward to now and a Baltimore post-doc is looking very possible for next fall. The lab there is led by a well-respected and well-published neuroscientist. He is also a Christian and is very big on teaching his christian students to be excellent scientists. He is very interested in having Peanut-lover come to his lab. It is an excellent mentoring opportunity. But it's way the heck over there. And I'm ok with it.

God has gently taken my heart that was hard-as-rock towards Baltimore, and softened me and even given me an excitement about the possibility. If you know how desperately opposed to change I am, you know how big a deal that is.

There are a lot of things that still have to be worked out over the next 9 months if Baltimore is our destination. God has a lot of doors he could close if he wants to lead us somewhere else. For now, we are waiting and praying.

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Peanut-lover has been teaching at a smaller local university for a few years now. They love him there. We had hoped, before the Baltimore idea started really developing, that a full-time teaching position might open up there for the fall of 2010. It still might, but it's not looking likely at this time. Peanut-lover could still opt to work there as a sessional instructor until a full-time position comes up. That route has the perk of keeping us close to our families and friends, so we are definitely considering it very seriously. And waiting for direction from God.

The thing about God is, he often doesn't give us the direction until we really need it. We would really LIKE it right now, but we don't actually NEED it. We don't have to start making definite decisions for several months, so knowing now would only be a luxury and might even keep us from seeking to hear his voice.

And so we wait. And pray.