Conversations with JJ: talk, talk, talk!

JJ's become quite the talker suddenly. He cracks me up all the time. He's taken to calling everyone "baby", but since he oozes cool, he pronounces it "baybay".

Mommy: JJ, why did you just hit KK?

JJ: 'Cause me want to, baby!

If you're thinking it must be hard to correct him when he's so darn cute, you'd be right. Fortunately, I'm quite aware that parenting is not supposed to be easy!

The other night, he snuck out of bed and saw me working on Daddy's computer.

JJ: *big charming smile* Why you work Daddy's 'puter mommy?

Mommy: I'm just helping daddy with some work.

JJ: Why you not daddy yet, mommy?

Mommy: Not a daddy yet? JJ, a daddy is not the next level after a mommy...

JJ: Mommy, s'ok. You be big like daddy sometime.

Another night, I was lying in bed and JJ kept asking me the same question over and over:

JJ: Mommy why you wearing pants?

Mommy: I always wear pants.

After the fourth or fifth time, I decided to ask him silly questions to see if I could get him to change the subject.

Mommy: JJ, why are you wearing JJ?

JJ: *big sigh* I no know, mommy. People like look at me, I guess.

Comfort items

Both my kids have their comfort items. That special thing they need to calm them when they are sleepy or upset.

JJ's is his blankie. It's a knitted blanket that my Grandma actually made for KK, and somehow JJ got really attached to. Now we don't go anywhere without it. He can be instantly calmed just on the sight of his blankie. You can see the change in him the moment he recognizes it. It's almost like the blankie is a person the way he interacts with it (him? her?).

When I realized he was attached to this blankie, I asked my Grandma to make up a smaller version of it for us to carry around with us. It gets a little challenging to bring a crib-sized blankie everywhere we go. But he instantly rejected the "mini-blankie" so his large blankie gets dragged everywhere.

Washing his blankie is 45 minutes of intense stress for the little guy and requires mommy to be extra creative with play until we hear the magic sound of the dryer buzzer.

KK's comfort item, however, is always with me. I can't forget it anywhere. It gets cleaned once-a-day whether I plan it or not. She can find it in her sleep, although she must come to our room to get it.

What is this comfort item?

My belly button, or "button tummy", of course. For nearly three years now, she has comforted herself by rubbing and poking my belly button. Before she can go to sleep at night, she must let each finger spend some time with my belly button. If she gets injured or has her feelings hurt, my belly button can fix the pain.

It's magic like that, sigh...

Of boys and men

One of the things that I love about having a son, is that he helps me understand my husband.

One of the things that I love about having a husband, is that he helps me understand my son.

JJ is two. He is learning that he is under authority. He doesn't like learning that he is under authority. When we hit a situation where he and I are in a stand-off (it happens) (did I mention he's two?), sometimes I just have to lay down the law. I have to pull out my parent card. My way or the highway.

He don't like it much.

But I've noticed something that helps a lot. And I probably wouldn't have noticed it as soon, if it weren't for having noticed it also in my husband about a year ago.

He needs privacy to accept that he has failed, or made a mistake, or needs to concede.

One of our battles as women is our need to control. It is part of our curse from the fall. It is a heart issue that only God can fix in us. One of men's battles is pride. It too is a heart issue that only God can fix in them.

Since only God can fix the pride, then I have to let go of the control, and walk away. Give him the privacy he needs to let God fix his heart.

If Peanut-lover has made a mistake (it's happened once or twice), he knows it. It doesn't help if I get in his face and remind him about it and tell him he needs to change. I've tried it. Not helpful at all. He needs privacy. That's it. Walk away.

When JJ refuses to concede, we could remain in a stand-off until one of us tires, but the issue won't get dealt with. If I lay down the law (you can have your snack once you get your jammies on) and then walk away, every single time, he concedes.

Humility is hard.

We can model humility by admitting to our kids when we have made mistakes (one thing that my dad always did, which I really respected). But ultimately, only God can change our hearts.

If I can step out, I get out of God's way, and he fixes both our hearts. That's what he's in the business of doing.

Just one of the reasons I won't be homeschooling this one

JJ is such a different learner than I am. He has no interest in practicing anything. He isn't patient enough to do something just for the sake of doing it.

Remember how he learned to walk? Never held our hands to try taking steps. Never pulled himself along furniture. Nothing. Just up and started walking one day.

It's like that with everything. Which probably explains why he's only potty-trained at bedtime and when we're standing in long line-ups.

In the fall, we did swimming lessons. JJ and I were in a class together and KK was in a class by herself, at the other end of the pool.

Towards the end of the lessons, our teacher kept saying that JJ was so much more comfortable in the water than he'd been at the beginning. Even some of the parents made a point of mentioning the difference in him.

But I'm his mommy. I know better.

He was not more comfortable in the water. He never was uncomfortable in the water. He is a water baby. No fear. None. At. All. Which is why he often looks like this, even on dry land:

It wasn't that he was more comfortable in the water. It just took him a few weeks to figure out who the teacher was, so he knew who to impress.

I'm sure there was more than one time that the lifeguard thought of throwing the life-preserver out to him and I. But that thrashing in the water? It was just me trying to get him to do the skill that the teacher had asked us to work on. Not once would he perform the skill for me, but as soon as the teacher appeared, he would execute it perfectly ONCE. Then she'd move on, and the water thrashing would begin again.

It happened again today.

For months now, he's been counting like this, "one... two... one... two.. one... two!" I've been trying to teach him to count to three by counting everything that comes in twos or threes with him. And still, one... two... one... two...

Today, when I was cooking dinner, he ran into the kitchen, threw something on the counter and ran out, telling me that he was hiding. And then he proceeded to count to four. Just like that. I didn't even know he knew four existed. We exchanged high-fives and I went back to cooking.

Back around the corner he went, and this is what I heard:

one...two...three...four...dog...five...six...seven...eight...nine...ten...

Just like that. Confidently and clearly, he counted to ten.

There was great rejoicing in the land.

So, he counted to ten, once. And now that he has mastered the skill, he has no interest in it and has gone back to counting however he wants.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm going to have to leave his formal education to the professionals.

Mullings in my brain

I've been thinking a lot about poverty.

Thinking about how our North American culture is so much about accumulation. Our goal as young adults is to get the great job, so we can get the new car and big house and all the nice stuff. We work hard to get those things, but soon we want more. We work hard our entire lives to set ourselves up for a sweet, indulgent retirement. We're never satisfied.

Thinking that if we want to live within our culture, we almost have to bow to the pressures to accumulate. Thinking about how we have so much more than we need and people are dying because of it.

We had the same plans as everyone else. Get through school. Buy a big house. Buy a nice car. Buy a second car. Upgrade the house. Upgrade the cars. Repeat as necessary.

But then, school lasted a lot longer than we'd expected. We learned to live with so much less than we ever thought we could. Over the past couple of years, it's really made us rethink the life plan.

And recently, God's stretched us even further. God's been doing something to my heart and at the same time, similar things to Peanut-lover's heart. We know it's God because he's changed our hearts in the same direction without us even ever talking about it. We're becoming really uncomfortable with the luxuries in our lives that we see as necessities. Uncomfortable with excess.

Frankly, it freaks me out.

I like to be comfortable. I don't like to stretch myself. I don't like challenge. I like fitting in, blending in, not being noticed. I love a new pair of shoes.

But if God is changing my heart, what is he changing it for?

That's what freaks me out.

Conversations with KK: Looking on the bright side

The kids and I are playing Polly Pockets, or "Pollies" as we call them.

Mommy: KK, you seem to be missing the matches to a few of these shoes *eyes JJ suspiciously*. Maybe we should throw these ones away, since they aren't any good anymore.

KK: No, that's ok. I'll just take the leg off my Polly. Then she'll only need one.

If only all of life's problems could be fixed so easily!

Conversations with KK: Random bits

(Why is it that I only seem to find time to write when I'm working a night shift? It might be because my patients don't pull each others hair... or because they don't try to remove the keys from my keyboard... or maybe because they don't sneak off with markers to write on carpet when I'm distracted... or it might be because they don't bite...)

KK has been saying all kinds of cute things lately. Of course, it is 3:30 am, so most of them have flown out of my head at the moment, but here are a couple:

Daddy was getting his hair cut a few weeks ago, and I asked the kids if they thought daddy would look more handsome when his hair was done. KK replied, "No. He can't look more handsome. Daddy is always handsome. He never changes."
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While I was busy packing for our recent trip to Mexico, KK was busy doing things that she is not allowed to do. When I found out what she was doing, she tried to hide it from me, eventually escalating the situation to a full-blown tantrum and hour-long episode. When she was finally calm enough to talk, I told her that it doesn't matter if mommy can't see if she's doing something wrong, because God can still see it. She gasped and said, "Did God tell you what I was doing?"
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And JJ, well he's two. Just about anything he says these days is cute. Especially if he's getting in trouble...

Making it Official

As if it weren't already obvious, I'm officially taking a blogging break.

It is really hard for me to do. There are stories I want to share, and friendships I want to maintain. But what it comes down to is this: It just doesn't seem right to be writing and reading about mommying, when my little boy is pulling at my arms, asking me to be mommy right now.

It won't be for long. And I'll pop in here and there. But I'm not going to have these guys with me for long, and during this time, when they especially need my attention, I've got to give it to them. And I need to release myself from the pressure I put on myself to keep this blog up.

When the kids look back on this period of time, and wonder why there aren't any stories or pictures, I hope I can say to them, it's because mommy was too busy playing with you, doing crafts, taking the time to adapt my chores so that you could help me, finding ways to involve you in preparing meals, jumping in rain puddles, making birthday cakes that you talked about for months afterward...

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I know you love these kids too... so I'll leave you with a couple stories.

Yesterday, KK said to me, "Mommy, I love you even bigger as Jesus."

I responded with some questions to clarify that she meant the size of Jesus, not more than Jesus (I'll omit the early teaching on idolatry that I did here).

She responded with a big grin and a giggle, "Mommy, I love Jesus even bigger as Jesus!"

If the first goal of parenting is for your children to know and love Jesus with all their hearts, and I believe it is, then, by the grace of God, I think we are on the right track with this one.

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JJ is at a particularly challenging age right now. He just turned two and is incredibly impulsive and reckless. He requires way more attention now than he ever has needed before.

See what I mean?

I have just discovered a way to increase the level of peace in our home: I get him to help me cook. I spend a significant amount of time preparing meals in a day, and was finding it was taking me hours to prepare the simplest meals, because of all the "interruptions" I was having to deal with, due to him not always being directly supervised. Though it takes some planning, and patience, including him with me in the kitchen actually takes less time than fixing all the problems he creates if I cook alone.

Here are some of the things that he likes to help me with:

- dumping small amounts of veggies at a time into the crockpot (I keep giving him whatever I've cut up between his trips from me, to the crockpot, and back)

- peeling the paper off cans, and throwing it in the recycling

- setting the table

- putting away silverware (if you've seen the facebook video, he actually tries to get them in the right place now, instead of just dumping the whole thing in!)

- handing me things to put away from the dishwasher

- putting stuff in the garbage for me

- sprinkling herbs and spices into a dish

I'm not always this patient with him, but I'm getting better at finding ways to include him in the things I have to do, and to leave the things that I don't have to do.

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When people ask me about staying home with the kids, is it worth the financial sacrifice, or the holding up my career, I always tell them that this time is short and I can't get it back.

It's true. And I have to continually be evaluating the way I spend my time, and the sacrifices that I need to make for the sake of maximizing these precious years with my children.

So, when I can find a way to fit blogging back into my life, instead of my life around my blogging, I'll be back. Pinky swear.

Big Changes Ahead

For about 4 years now, whenever anyone would ask us how much longer Peanut-lover had until he completed his PhD, we would tell them about another year. The thing with being on the front lines of research is that you can estimate how long a project might take, but since no one has studied that particular thing before, you really can't say how long it might take. It just takes as long as it takes.

Peanut-lover's project has taken just over 5 years. And now we can really say that he will be done in less than a year. He is currently working on his last part of the research and expects to write up his thesis in the new year and defend it in Spring or Summer.

And then what?

Yeah, that's what we'd like to know. Except that we're okay with not knowing. And that is very strange for us.

We are the types that like to have every detail planned out, and yet we have learned to trust God with our plans. He knows the plans that he has for us. Plans for good and not for evil. To give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 if my memory serves me right).

So many times we have laid out plans for ourselves. Good plans. Completely reasonable and worthwhile plans. But at each turn, it seems God has gently led us in the way he has planned for us. If we'd have had our way 10 years ago, we'd both be married to different people. If we'd have had our way 10 years ago, we'd both be miserable in medical careers (not that there's anything wrong with doctors, it's just not the lifestyle that we want for our family). If we'd have had our way 6 years ago, we'd still both be working full-time, waiting for the opportunity to leave the city so we could start our family.

Instead, we can look back over the years of our lives and see how God led us to one another, how he led us both into fulfilling and family-friendly careers, how he provided for us when the numbers didn't add up for me to be at home with the kids, and how he has used our kids to refine us and shape our personalities and priorities.

And so, God has exercised our faith and, though we would like to know the next step, we are ok with waiting until he reveals it to us. That is pretty huge for us.

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A year ago, Peanut-lover told me that a lab in Baltimore was interested in collaborating with him and might be suitable for a post-doctoral fellowship (one of the possible next steps after completing his PhD). He asked me to pray about it. I reluctantly told him I would and then didn't for a long time. Then I started to talk to God about it. Every so often, I prayed that God would give us wisdom about Baltimore, but made sure to tell God that I didn't want to go! I asked him to soften my heart about it though, if it was meant to be.

Fast forward to now and a Baltimore post-doc is looking very possible for next fall. The lab there is led by a well-respected and well-published neuroscientist. He is also a Christian and is very big on teaching his christian students to be excellent scientists. He is very interested in having Peanut-lover come to his lab. It is an excellent mentoring opportunity. But it's way the heck over there. And I'm ok with it.

God has gently taken my heart that was hard-as-rock towards Baltimore, and softened me and even given me an excitement about the possibility. If you know how desperately opposed to change I am, you know how big a deal that is.

There are a lot of things that still have to be worked out over the next 9 months if Baltimore is our destination. God has a lot of doors he could close if he wants to lead us somewhere else. For now, we are waiting and praying.

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Peanut-lover has been teaching at a smaller local university for a few years now. They love him there. We had hoped, before the Baltimore idea started really developing, that a full-time teaching position might open up there for the fall of 2010. It still might, but it's not looking likely at this time. Peanut-lover could still opt to work there as a sessional instructor until a full-time position comes up. That route has the perk of keeping us close to our families and friends, so we are definitely considering it very seriously. And waiting for direction from God.

The thing about God is, he often doesn't give us the direction until we really need it. We would really LIKE it right now, but we don't actually NEED it. We don't have to start making definite decisions for several months, so knowing now would only be a luxury and might even keep us from seeking to hear his voice.

And so we wait. And pray.

I couldn't even remember my password

Oh hello. It's been a while hasn't it?

It is currently 4:45 am and I am at work and finally, I have found some time to spend with my blog.

It has been so long, that I couldn't even remember how to log in. Ugh. What a great journal this has turned out to be.

How about we start with a little update on each of the family members, starting with the little one:

JJ. Oh, how I adore this child. He is, at all times, the dictionary definition of cuteness, stubborness, persistence, and crazy dancing. This month, he'll be two and in the past month, he has reached some pretty big milestones.

He's starting to use many words now, and even string some of them together. Up until very recently, he has shown a definite preference for non-verbal communication. Then suddenly, he started calling us Mommy and Daddy (instead of mama and dada) and very quickly, he's gained many new words. My current favourite is his version of snuggle: nuckle.

Oh, that reminds me. He is the funniest snuggler. It just does not come naturally to him (which is weird because his father is SO affectionate. Ahem.) For example, the other night he calls me into his room. "Mommy?", he asks in his little voice with the exaggerated uptone of the question. "Mommy, nuckle." And he gives me that look, with the pouty little lip. The look with which he will always be able to manipulate me. I climb in beside him and he lays his head on my collarbone. No, that's not comfortable, so he puts his head on my chin, but then his body is hanging off awkwardly, so that only lasts 13 seconds. Next he lays his head on my hip, with his butt right in my face. I wait to see what he will do, but he can't figure out where to put his legs... and on it goes.

Yesterday, he told me that he's not a baby anymore ("baby" while shaking his head no), but is instead a "bick booooyyyyy". Which is appropriate since we moved him into a big boy bed not quite a month ago. I will post pictures soon. It might help to nag me. So far, the transition has been much less difficult than I'd anticipated, although he also figured out how to open doors three days after switching beds. And so, mornings are starting a little earlier around here, which you'd think would lead to more time for me to do stuff... but not so much because you see, there's the third milestone that he has reached...

Potty training. I really didn't even expect to start training this one until he was three. If he doesn't want to do something, there is no WAY on earth anyone can coerce him. But then he gained a new love for being naked. And skills. Boy, has he got stripping skills. I told him if he wanted to be naked, he had to try peeing on the potty. And he did. Suddenly and unexpectedly, I was thrust right into what has, so far, been fairly successful potty training. Which is horrible timing, considering that over Christmas, we will be spending two weeks driving here, there, and everywhere. So my little guy spends his time at home running around in Spiderman underwear, and I spend my time watching his cues and ready to drop everything at the announcement of the need for the "piepie" (potty).

And how about KK? What has she been up to?

KK turned four in November, and I have decided that I really like four. It seems we are finally starting to see some consistent result from all the work we put into two and three and she has developed into a very caring, loving, obedient, gentle little girl.

I'm not saying that she can't throw a mighty temper tantrum if she wants to, because she sure can. But they are pretty rare these days.

She spends her time playing barbies, polly pockets, dolls, and trains. She loves social play. I can never keep straight who she is pretending to be. A princess, a baby, a mommy, a nurse, a fairy, a patient. She loves to pretend she's a grown-up. Quite often she pretends she is the mommy, and I am the grandma, so I spend all day answering to grandma. I really do think I'm too young to be a grandma, although I'm sure Peanut-lover would tell you differently.

KK loves to learn and she regularly pulls out her "school work" and practices her letters. She surprised me last week by being able to recognize many words by sight: my name, Mommy, Daddy, love, her name, JJ's name, to, and from. She also can write words just from hearing me spell them out for her. She's learning how to sound out words too. All this with very little intentional teaching from me. She just works it into her play. She loves to spell her name and I'm quite sure that nearly every sheet of paper in the house has her name scribbled on it. I love how she writes the "e" backwards and sometimes puts the "y" in the wrong place.

I go back and forth about whether we will register her in preschool for a few months. She has all the readiness skills for kindergarten (even her phone number and address memorized) and I'm not eager to push her in the area of academics because I know she will so soon get caught up in pushing herself. I want her to be free and playful for as long as possible. I know she would love it though, and so I revisit the idea regularly.

I love this little girl so much. I fail her so often but she is so forgiving. Sometimes she tells me that I need to ask Jesus to help me be a better mommy (and I do, oh how I do), but most of the time, she tells me that I'm the best mommy. I know I'm not the best mommy. I struggle with her because I am learning on her. I'm not very patient. I forget to be present. But I know I'm doing a pretty good job. I try as often as possible to be conscious in my parenting. And when I fail, I own up to it right away and ask for forgiveness. KK tells me that she will always forgive me. Am I blessed, or what?

Well, this was going to be a full update on all the goings on in the weenut household, but I have been writing for an hour (stopping only to check an IV, suction a patient, and answer a call bell) and now I must get on to my 6 am work. One more hour and then I can head home to sleep and do it all again tonight. Who knows? Maybe I'll even have time to write the second half of this post!

Over and out.

(hopefully not for long)