Making it Official

As if it weren't already obvious, I'm officially taking a blogging break.

It is really hard for me to do. There are stories I want to share, and friendships I want to maintain. But what it comes down to is this: It just doesn't seem right to be writing and reading about mommying, when my little boy is pulling at my arms, asking me to be mommy right now.

It won't be for long. And I'll pop in here and there. But I'm not going to have these guys with me for long, and during this time, when they especially need my attention, I've got to give it to them. And I need to release myself from the pressure I put on myself to keep this blog up.

When the kids look back on this period of time, and wonder why there aren't any stories or pictures, I hope I can say to them, it's because mommy was too busy playing with you, doing crafts, taking the time to adapt my chores so that you could help me, finding ways to involve you in preparing meals, jumping in rain puddles, making birthday cakes that you talked about for months afterward...

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I know you love these kids too... so I'll leave you with a couple stories.

Yesterday, KK said to me, "Mommy, I love you even bigger as Jesus."

I responded with some questions to clarify that she meant the size of Jesus, not more than Jesus (I'll omit the early teaching on idolatry that I did here).

She responded with a big grin and a giggle, "Mommy, I love Jesus even bigger as Jesus!"

If the first goal of parenting is for your children to know and love Jesus with all their hearts, and I believe it is, then, by the grace of God, I think we are on the right track with this one.

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JJ is at a particularly challenging age right now. He just turned two and is incredibly impulsive and reckless. He requires way more attention now than he ever has needed before.

See what I mean?

I have just discovered a way to increase the level of peace in our home: I get him to help me cook. I spend a significant amount of time preparing meals in a day, and was finding it was taking me hours to prepare the simplest meals, because of all the "interruptions" I was having to deal with, due to him not always being directly supervised. Though it takes some planning, and patience, including him with me in the kitchen actually takes less time than fixing all the problems he creates if I cook alone.

Here are some of the things that he likes to help me with:

- dumping small amounts of veggies at a time into the crockpot (I keep giving him whatever I've cut up between his trips from me, to the crockpot, and back)

- peeling the paper off cans, and throwing it in the recycling

- setting the table

- putting away silverware (if you've seen the facebook video, he actually tries to get them in the right place now, instead of just dumping the whole thing in!)

- handing me things to put away from the dishwasher

- putting stuff in the garbage for me

- sprinkling herbs and spices into a dish

I'm not always this patient with him, but I'm getting better at finding ways to include him in the things I have to do, and to leave the things that I don't have to do.

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When people ask me about staying home with the kids, is it worth the financial sacrifice, or the holding up my career, I always tell them that this time is short and I can't get it back.

It's true. And I have to continually be evaluating the way I spend my time, and the sacrifices that I need to make for the sake of maximizing these precious years with my children.

So, when I can find a way to fit blogging back into my life, instead of my life around my blogging, I'll be back. Pinky swear.

Big Changes Ahead

For about 4 years now, whenever anyone would ask us how much longer Peanut-lover had until he completed his PhD, we would tell them about another year. The thing with being on the front lines of research is that you can estimate how long a project might take, but since no one has studied that particular thing before, you really can't say how long it might take. It just takes as long as it takes.

Peanut-lover's project has taken just over 5 years. And now we can really say that he will be done in less than a year. He is currently working on his last part of the research and expects to write up his thesis in the new year and defend it in Spring or Summer.

And then what?

Yeah, that's what we'd like to know. Except that we're okay with not knowing. And that is very strange for us.

We are the types that like to have every detail planned out, and yet we have learned to trust God with our plans. He knows the plans that he has for us. Plans for good and not for evil. To give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 if my memory serves me right).

So many times we have laid out plans for ourselves. Good plans. Completely reasonable and worthwhile plans. But at each turn, it seems God has gently led us in the way he has planned for us. If we'd have had our way 10 years ago, we'd both be married to different people. If we'd have had our way 10 years ago, we'd both be miserable in medical careers (not that there's anything wrong with doctors, it's just not the lifestyle that we want for our family). If we'd have had our way 6 years ago, we'd still both be working full-time, waiting for the opportunity to leave the city so we could start our family.

Instead, we can look back over the years of our lives and see how God led us to one another, how he led us both into fulfilling and family-friendly careers, how he provided for us when the numbers didn't add up for me to be at home with the kids, and how he has used our kids to refine us and shape our personalities and priorities.

And so, God has exercised our faith and, though we would like to know the next step, we are ok with waiting until he reveals it to us. That is pretty huge for us.

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A year ago, Peanut-lover told me that a lab in Baltimore was interested in collaborating with him and might be suitable for a post-doctoral fellowship (one of the possible next steps after completing his PhD). He asked me to pray about it. I reluctantly told him I would and then didn't for a long time. Then I started to talk to God about it. Every so often, I prayed that God would give us wisdom about Baltimore, but made sure to tell God that I didn't want to go! I asked him to soften my heart about it though, if it was meant to be.

Fast forward to now and a Baltimore post-doc is looking very possible for next fall. The lab there is led by a well-respected and well-published neuroscientist. He is also a Christian and is very big on teaching his christian students to be excellent scientists. He is very interested in having Peanut-lover come to his lab. It is an excellent mentoring opportunity. But it's way the heck over there. And I'm ok with it.

God has gently taken my heart that was hard-as-rock towards Baltimore, and softened me and even given me an excitement about the possibility. If you know how desperately opposed to change I am, you know how big a deal that is.

There are a lot of things that still have to be worked out over the next 9 months if Baltimore is our destination. God has a lot of doors he could close if he wants to lead us somewhere else. For now, we are waiting and praying.

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Peanut-lover has been teaching at a smaller local university for a few years now. They love him there. We had hoped, before the Baltimore idea started really developing, that a full-time teaching position might open up there for the fall of 2010. It still might, but it's not looking likely at this time. Peanut-lover could still opt to work there as a sessional instructor until a full-time position comes up. That route has the perk of keeping us close to our families and friends, so we are definitely considering it very seriously. And waiting for direction from God.

The thing about God is, he often doesn't give us the direction until we really need it. We would really LIKE it right now, but we don't actually NEED it. We don't have to start making definite decisions for several months, so knowing now would only be a luxury and might even keep us from seeking to hear his voice.

And so we wait. And pray.

I couldn't even remember my password

Oh hello. It's been a while hasn't it?

It is currently 4:45 am and I am at work and finally, I have found some time to spend with my blog.

It has been so long, that I couldn't even remember how to log in. Ugh. What a great journal this has turned out to be.

How about we start with a little update on each of the family members, starting with the little one:

JJ. Oh, how I adore this child. He is, at all times, the dictionary definition of cuteness, stubborness, persistence, and crazy dancing. This month, he'll be two and in the past month, he has reached some pretty big milestones.

He's starting to use many words now, and even string some of them together. Up until very recently, he has shown a definite preference for non-verbal communication. Then suddenly, he started calling us Mommy and Daddy (instead of mama and dada) and very quickly, he's gained many new words. My current favourite is his version of snuggle: nuckle.

Oh, that reminds me. He is the funniest snuggler. It just does not come naturally to him (which is weird because his father is SO affectionate. Ahem.) For example, the other night he calls me into his room. "Mommy?", he asks in his little voice with the exaggerated uptone of the question. "Mommy, nuckle." And he gives me that look, with the pouty little lip. The look with which he will always be able to manipulate me. I climb in beside him and he lays his head on my collarbone. No, that's not comfortable, so he puts his head on my chin, but then his body is hanging off awkwardly, so that only lasts 13 seconds. Next he lays his head on my hip, with his butt right in my face. I wait to see what he will do, but he can't figure out where to put his legs... and on it goes.

Yesterday, he told me that he's not a baby anymore ("baby" while shaking his head no), but is instead a "bick booooyyyyy". Which is appropriate since we moved him into a big boy bed not quite a month ago. I will post pictures soon. It might help to nag me. So far, the transition has been much less difficult than I'd anticipated, although he also figured out how to open doors three days after switching beds. And so, mornings are starting a little earlier around here, which you'd think would lead to more time for me to do stuff... but not so much because you see, there's the third milestone that he has reached...

Potty training. I really didn't even expect to start training this one until he was three. If he doesn't want to do something, there is no WAY on earth anyone can coerce him. But then he gained a new love for being naked. And skills. Boy, has he got stripping skills. I told him if he wanted to be naked, he had to try peeing on the potty. And he did. Suddenly and unexpectedly, I was thrust right into what has, so far, been fairly successful potty training. Which is horrible timing, considering that over Christmas, we will be spending two weeks driving here, there, and everywhere. So my little guy spends his time at home running around in Spiderman underwear, and I spend my time watching his cues and ready to drop everything at the announcement of the need for the "piepie" (potty).

And how about KK? What has she been up to?

KK turned four in November, and I have decided that I really like four. It seems we are finally starting to see some consistent result from all the work we put into two and three and she has developed into a very caring, loving, obedient, gentle little girl.

I'm not saying that she can't throw a mighty temper tantrum if she wants to, because she sure can. But they are pretty rare these days.

She spends her time playing barbies, polly pockets, dolls, and trains. She loves social play. I can never keep straight who she is pretending to be. A princess, a baby, a mommy, a nurse, a fairy, a patient. She loves to pretend she's a grown-up. Quite often she pretends she is the mommy, and I am the grandma, so I spend all day answering to grandma. I really do think I'm too young to be a grandma, although I'm sure Peanut-lover would tell you differently.

KK loves to learn and she regularly pulls out her "school work" and practices her letters. She surprised me last week by being able to recognize many words by sight: my name, Mommy, Daddy, love, her name, JJ's name, to, and from. She also can write words just from hearing me spell them out for her. She's learning how to sound out words too. All this with very little intentional teaching from me. She just works it into her play. She loves to spell her name and I'm quite sure that nearly every sheet of paper in the house has her name scribbled on it. I love how she writes the "e" backwards and sometimes puts the "y" in the wrong place.

I go back and forth about whether we will register her in preschool for a few months. She has all the readiness skills for kindergarten (even her phone number and address memorized) and I'm not eager to push her in the area of academics because I know she will so soon get caught up in pushing herself. I want her to be free and playful for as long as possible. I know she would love it though, and so I revisit the idea regularly.

I love this little girl so much. I fail her so often but she is so forgiving. Sometimes she tells me that I need to ask Jesus to help me be a better mommy (and I do, oh how I do), but most of the time, she tells me that I'm the best mommy. I know I'm not the best mommy. I struggle with her because I am learning on her. I'm not very patient. I forget to be present. But I know I'm doing a pretty good job. I try as often as possible to be conscious in my parenting. And when I fail, I own up to it right away and ask for forgiveness. KK tells me that she will always forgive me. Am I blessed, or what?

Well, this was going to be a full update on all the goings on in the weenut household, but I have been writing for an hour (stopping only to check an IV, suction a patient, and answer a call bell) and now I must get on to my 6 am work. One more hour and then I can head home to sleep and do it all again tonight. Who knows? Maybe I'll even have time to write the second half of this post!

Over and out.

(hopefully not for long)

What married people do

There's something going on in our home, and it's downright disturbing.

It's not us. It's the barbies. They keep getting married.

And then, they keep doing what married people do.

I know you don't think you need any more details than that, but I think you do. So let me set the scene for you:

I can hear KK playing happily in her bedroom. It's been a while since I've heard from her, so I figure I'd better check in on her. I open the door and...

*Gasp*

They're at it again.

Ken and Barbie are wrapped up in each others' arms, their faces just millimeters (Barbie inches) away from each other.

KK looks up and informs me that they have just gotten married. And now they will proceed to do what married people do. For the rest of eternity.

With their faces poised in an about-to-kiss position, they SING love songs to each other. For hours and hours.

They must have awesome toothpaste.

Every day, for hours on end, KK's barbies get married and then spend the rest of their lives, wrapped in each others' arms, singing to each other.

Because that's what married people do.

KK knows, because clearly she's learned from the best. If you've ever been to our home, I'm sure you know just how true that is!













ahem ;)

Mommy Timeouts

When Mommy throws a temper tantrum, Mommy gets a timeout.

And though Mommy would really benefit from a 29 minute timeout (using the age = minutes formula), she only gets a 5 minute timeout.

And what does a Mommy timeout look like?

Mommy says, "I need a timeout. I'm going to my room. I'll be back in five minutes," and calmly closes the bedroom door.

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(Ok, fine, most of you are mommies too. I can't fool you, can I?)

In a real Mommy timeout, Mommy loudly says yells screams, "I can't take this anymore. I'm taking a timeout. Don't you DARE open that door." And then she slams the door closed.

Mommy is always a perfect role model for her children. Always.

And what does Mommy do during her blessed 5 minutes?

She inserts a finger into each ear and, through her tears, reads Philippians 4:6-8 over and over.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Phil 4:6-8 (NLT)

And how does Mommy know that the children are safe during her timeout?

Through her plugged ears, and the pillow she has pulled over her head, she can hear them banging on the door. And calling for her to come back out. And that is why a Mommy timeout can only last for 5 minutes.

But 5 minutes is all she needs.

*** This post has been brought to you by the part of my personality that insists on keeping it real. The part that believes that mommies need to be honest with how hard this mommy thing is and how, though we try hard, sometimes we fail. Now I will hit "publish" and immediately feel completely exposed and ashamed until someone says something nice. So get on it, mkay? ;) ***

Conversations with KK: thoughts on God and birthdays

The other day, KK was trying to tell me that she didn't need a nap (for the 47th time). I'd heard enough so I told her to tell it to God.

So she bowed her little head and prayed, "God, I'm NOT TIRED! Amen".

She learned about unanswered prayer that day... momma doesn't give up her nap that easily!

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A week ago, I bought KK a calendar so that she could start to learn about days of the week and anticipate upcoming events. We marked her November birthday on there and now it's all she talks about.

She wants a princess party with only girls, but she might let daddy in if he dresses like a prince. There must be balloons and bubbles. She changes her mind about the cake every 24 seconds. (I think the latest is a princess castle).

But the best part is her gift wishlist. She wants rain glasses (I've never hear of them, and she may have invented them, but apparently, they keep the rain out of your eyes), and a water fountain. As in the big outdoor type that makes her do this:

...and this:

I have a feeling we have many more years of "Princess" requests ahead of us. Remember what she wanted for Christmas last year?

Conversations with JJ: We've got another talker!

JJ is at one of my most favourite of stages, so far anyways. He is coming up with a few new words every day and we are constantly surprised at his memory and ability to understand what we are saying.

Tuesday, during his swim class, one of the games we played was with a ball and JJ freaked out wanting the ball. Such a freak out, in fact, that all the other parents hurried to get the ball to him anytime it got away from him.

Later that day, KK said something to me about hearing JJ crying in the pool. Immediately, he started whining, "baaalllll, baaalllll". Even today, he still remembers the trauma of having to share the ball!

Wednesday night, we took the kids out for their dates with mommy and daddy. This time it was the boys together and the girls together.

When we got home, I asked JJ what he did with daddy. I love his response. For the first time, he told me a story:

JJ: Brrrrmmmm brrrrmmmm

Translation: They played with trucks

JJ: *motion of throwing a ball* "Uggghhh"

Translation: They played ball

JJ: *motion of licking and biting something, while smiling big and smacking his lips*

Translation: They ate ice cream!

I love how at this stage, his speech is only clear to those of us who hear it often, so when he talks to us, it seems like code to everyone else. It's like we have this special language, which we do, I guess.

My favourite is "munguk" which is JJ for yogurt.

Y'all will remind me of this post in 6 months when I have two kids talking my ears off, won't you?!

What happened to all my status updates?

It's no great secret that I'm addicted to Facebook.

You know that person who updates their status several times a day? The one that you had to "hide" because you didn't need to know all the details of their life every time you went online?

That's me.

Status updates are one of my favourite methods of self-expression. If you want to get right down to the truth, sometimes I think strictly in third person status updates. I may need therapy.

Anyways. Lately, I've noticed that I haven't been getting the usual amount of feedback on my status updates. And I know it's not just that they were boring. There were some good ones in there.

ahem. You know, because my kids are funny.

I usually access FB on my Ipod Touch (because of all the computer issues I've been whining about). I downloaded the updated version of FB for the Iphone and it turns out that status updates posted from the mobile version only show up in my profile, and not in everyone's news feed. So unless people regularly check my profile, i.e. they are my mom, my great status updates haven't been getting out there. (Tongue in cheek people, tongue in cheek).

I thought I'd share a few of my favourites from the last week as a way to update you on the goings on of the weenut household (you know, since I haven't been writing for a few weeks)(names changed of course):

-Peanut's life took a sudden and dramatic turn for the better when she met Peanut-lover 9 years ago this month :) He cherishes her just like her momma said he would when he was still only a dream in her young heart. He constantly strives to be the best husband, father, and man that he can be. Who could ask for more??

-Vim + Mr. Clean Magic Erasers + my kitchen sinks... now that's magic! (btw, no one is allowed to use my clean, shiny sinks for the rest of eternity ;)

-Peanut is googling "Princess Party ideas" and looking into supplies needed for a Princess birthday cake. You guessed it - Peanut-lover's birthday's coming up! ;)

-Peanut hopes to have laundry caught up, the house tidied, and the freezer stocked with lots of lunches before Peanut-lover gets home late tonight. Who says she doesn't dream big??!!

-Dear KK and JJ, as the mornings are getting darker, you're supposed to be sleeping in LATER. You're doing this backwards and it's not cool. Sleep is cool. Love Mommy.

-Peanut is having crazy thoughts that involve her hair and scissors...

-JJ is standing naked at the table coloring with markers. This scenario cannot end well.

-KK is completing a sentence that she started 15 minutes ago and JJ is hitting himself in the head with a spoon. Just another day in paradise.

-KK says, "JJ stop crying. I can't hear my cartoons!". Where do I pick up my Mommy-of-the-year Award??!!

-Peanut has been trying to listen to an online sermon for 2 hours. With two small children running around, she's finally 8 minutes in... time to give up?

-Peanut slept with KK in her toddler bed last night. OUCH!

-Peanut can hear the Oreo ice cream calling out to her. Must resist.... maybe just a small bowl? No. Resist.

-Peanut thinks that a recipe index that lists something under "E" for "easy" instead of "C" for "chicken" (ie easy chicken tettrazini) is insanely stupid.

There you have it. Now you're all caught up ;)

Life is busy

Who invented September anyway? I mean, we are crazy busy, and we don't even have our kids in formal education yet (although our homeschooling preschool is great so far)!

So who's the brilliant one that came up with the idea that everything should start up in September?

Our calendar is so full, I get anxiety attacks just looking at it. I thought buying a "Mom's Calendar" would make it less anxiety-provoking... but not so much. Now there are just more stickers.

What's keeping us so busy? And didn't we resolve not to be super busy?

Yes. We did. And yet, we are busy.

This month, the church plant that we have been involved with for over a year went full-time. We're very excited about the things that are happening, but still, it occupies the entire day, every Sunday. Busy.

And then there's swimming lessons twice a week. It takes three hours of work between getting there and getting home afterwards, for 30 minutes of swimming. The kids love it. I love it. But it's busy.

Our homegroup has taken an exciting new direction where we meet here twice a month and on the other weeks, we split into gender groups to meet and either study gender-specific topics or go out for some gender-specific fun. (I've never used gender so many times in a sentence before... ok, maybe once. In nursing school.) Fun. Exciting. Challenging. Busy.

Twice monthly dates, weekly sync nights (where we sync our schedules and deal with any issues so that dates are just about fun). Busy. Twice monthly dates with alternating kids. Busy.

I work once or twice a weekend. Always busy shifts. A not-busy shift would mean that somewhere in my 12-hour shift, I would sit down for 15 minutes to chart. Though I often work only one shift a weekend, the extended shifts make it equivalent (in hours) to working two days a week. Plus I run a household. Busy.

Peanut-lover is at the very tail-end of his research. Although if you wanted to get technical, it's not mouse tails that he works on, but rather mouse brains. KK regularly asks me if daddy is going to cut off mouse heads at work today. In the next year, we should see the end of the research, the writing of the thesis, the PhD graduation, the putting up for sale of our home, the moving to somewhere else, and the figuring out of the next step. What next step? Good question. You know as much as we do. Busy.

And then there's the computer. It's 100 years old in computer years. That's right, it's 4-5 people-years old. That means that all the current updates are too big for it or require too much processing power. So it runs painfully slow. And we have to beat the screen up every time we turn it on to make it work. My kids actually think the on-button for the screen is three (or more) punches to the lower right side and a mumbled expletive. Some days, I just leave it off because it makes me too angry. Yes. I'm admitting that my computer makes me angry. I have issues.

I long to connect with my Internet buddies, my blog friends, my real-life-that-live-too-far-away friends. I miss you guys. But my life is busy. And your life it busy. And that's the way it is.

October please?

Five Things I love Thursday: My kids fight

Five Things Thursday is back! Well, for this week anyways. You might have noticed I've had a little trouble with consistency lately, both in posting here and in following my favourite blogs. Part of the reason is that my kids fight. All. The. Time.

What???!!! I couldn't possibly be talking about these precious, delightful, beautiful children, could I?

Oh yes. These precious, delightful, beautiful children fight almost constantly and it drives me batty. Nothing sends my blood pressure up faster than the high-pitched scream that comes out of KK when her brother hits, bites, kicks, slaps, punches, or takes toys away from her. And nothing gives JJ more pleasure than to hear his sister's high-pitched scream. (As we speak, my parents are emphatically nodding their heads. They remember that high-pitched scream very well, I'm sure.)

I think it's time I start trying to look on the bright side, don't you?

Five things I love about having kids who fight:

1. I'm learning patience (I hope)

2. They're learning negotiating skills (I think)

3. I can put them into separate rooms and get some peace and quiet for 2 minutes. (If you consider the muffled sounds of wailing to be peace and quiet)

4. All my other mommy problems (such as toys strewn everywhere, kids that wake up too early, kids who refuse to eat) seem small in comparison.

5. My favourite: potential burglars know we're home.

How's that for looking on the bright side? I'm trying too hard, aren't I?

Now it's your turn. What's your five things this week? Write a blog post and leave your link in the comments. Or, if you don't have a blog, leave me your list in the comments. You don't have to copy my topic, but feel free if you need a little direction. I can't wait to hear what y'all have to say!