KK really wants her brother to get mobile... as does he.
The other day, she asked, "Why JJ not walk?"
I told her that he doesn't know how to walk yet and we have to teach him.
So she said to him, "You just pick your feet up."
Right.
JJ is still trying to figure out how to crawl.
I asked KK to show him how to do it.
She thought it would be better to just explain it to him: "You just stick your bum up in the air."
Yeah... gotcha.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Conversations with KK: He not perfect
So we seem to be getting this sharing-a-room-thing down with the kids. We have been kind of playing every bedtime by ear, depending on who is more tired, but once they are down, it seems to be working very well.
Monday night, I was on my own with the two kids. In that scenario, the most effective option is to put JJ down first, then finish up devotions with KK in the living room until JJ is sleeping soundly. JJ was down and KK was minutes away from going in.
We had just brushed her teeth, when she said to me, "I not want JJ sleep in my room everymore."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because he not perfect. Yesterday he perfect, but he not perfect everymore."
Confused, I asked her, "What is perfect?"
Beaming she answered, "ME!"
Monday night, I was on my own with the two kids. In that scenario, the most effective option is to put JJ down first, then finish up devotions with KK in the living room until JJ is sleeping soundly. JJ was down and KK was minutes away from going in.
We had just brushed her teeth, when she said to me, "I not want JJ sleep in my room everymore."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because he not perfect. Yesterday he perfect, but he not perfect everymore."
Confused, I asked her, "What is perfect?"
Beaming she answered, "ME!"
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Status Update
Are you a facebooker? I sure am. One of the things I'm addicted to is the status updates. They are like my new method of self-expression. More for me than anyone else, I think! This week's status updates have been all over the map.
Anywho, I've had a hard time blogging this week. Not for lack of stories to tell. In fact, I have 3 posts sitting in my drafts right now, that I just don't feel it's right to post.
I posted earlier this morning and have since been going back and forth about whether it was appropriate. It felt fake to talk about life outside of the sadness and grief that has followed the loss of our friend Con. But I posted it and it's there.
Whatev.
So it feels better to follow-up an unrelated post with a quick update on how we're doing over here. I've been busy. Another reason why it's hard to blog. I have much to catch up on after our camping trip and I haven't been sleeping well. Evenings have been spent helping Peanut-lover debrief after spending time with his friend helping him debrief and grieve. This is all new territory for Peanut-lover and I'm proud of him for carrying on. He knew when he started this friendship that it would come to this and still he persisted.
I'm sad, but not overwhelmingly so. It still hasn't really sunk in for me. It's hard to believe that that sweet woman is gone. That we don't get to see her anymore. But mostly I'm just busy. And a little scatterbrained. Can you tell?
Thursday night will be the viewing and that will be very hard. Friday is the funeral and internment. Fortunately, Peanut-lover's sister will be coming to stay with us Thursday night to help out with the kids. This sister is amazing, by the way. She has a two-month-old and is coming out to help us. This is the same sister that stayed with us the night before JJ was born, so that we wouldn't have to worry about KK just in case I went into labour. Which I did. Anyways, I'm very grateful to her for her generosity towards us.
We are not entirely sure about how much to expose KK to. Con loved KK very much and would want her to be there. Our plan is to leave her at home for the viewing, but to take her to the funeral on Friday. We won't take JJ to anything, just because it'll be easier not to. After the funeral, I'll run KK home and feed JJ, then leave them at home while we go to the internment.
We haven't decided yet if we will let KK see Con's body at the funeral. We've tried to be as open as possible with her about what has happened. She is very perceptive and would know if we were trying to hide something from her. I think it might help her with the finality of it if she can see Con's body. I know it can be a little freaky for us, but KK hasn't quite hit the fear part of the imagination stage yet. So she really can't imagine outside of experiences she has already had. By that I mean, she won't be able to imagine some of the things we do when we see a dead body.
I don't know though, so I turn it over to you guys. Do you have any experience with young children and funerals? Any advice you could share with me?
Anywho, I've had a hard time blogging this week. Not for lack of stories to tell. In fact, I have 3 posts sitting in my drafts right now, that I just don't feel it's right to post.
I posted earlier this morning and have since been going back and forth about whether it was appropriate. It felt fake to talk about life outside of the sadness and grief that has followed the loss of our friend Con. But I posted it and it's there.
Whatev.
So it feels better to follow-up an unrelated post with a quick update on how we're doing over here. I've been busy. Another reason why it's hard to blog. I have much to catch up on after our camping trip and I haven't been sleeping well. Evenings have been spent helping Peanut-lover debrief after spending time with his friend helping him debrief and grieve. This is all new territory for Peanut-lover and I'm proud of him for carrying on. He knew when he started this friendship that it would come to this and still he persisted.
I'm sad, but not overwhelmingly so. It still hasn't really sunk in for me. It's hard to believe that that sweet woman is gone. That we don't get to see her anymore. But mostly I'm just busy. And a little scatterbrained. Can you tell?
Thursday night will be the viewing and that will be very hard. Friday is the funeral and internment. Fortunately, Peanut-lover's sister will be coming to stay with us Thursday night to help out with the kids. This sister is amazing, by the way. She has a two-month-old and is coming out to help us. This is the same sister that stayed with us the night before JJ was born, so that we wouldn't have to worry about KK just in case I went into labour. Which I did. Anyways, I'm very grateful to her for her generosity towards us.
We are not entirely sure about how much to expose KK to. Con loved KK very much and would want her to be there. Our plan is to leave her at home for the viewing, but to take her to the funeral on Friday. We won't take JJ to anything, just because it'll be easier not to. After the funeral, I'll run KK home and feed JJ, then leave them at home while we go to the internment.
We haven't decided yet if we will let KK see Con's body at the funeral. We've tried to be as open as possible with her about what has happened. She is very perceptive and would know if we were trying to hide something from her. I think it might help her with the finality of it if she can see Con's body. I know it can be a little freaky for us, but KK hasn't quite hit the fear part of the imagination stage yet. So she really can't imagine outside of experiences she has already had. By that I mean, she won't be able to imagine some of the things we do when we see a dead body.
I don't know though, so I turn it over to you guys. Do you have any experience with young children and funerals? Any advice you could share with me?
Faking it
When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was grow up. Now that I'm technically there... all I can think is when am I going to feel grown-up?
Sometimes I feel like I'm faking it, an imposter, and one day, everyone is going to discover that I'm not really grown-up. Especially when I'm around other grown-ups... as in everyone I hang out with!
Peanut-lover says to me, "You feel like you're faking it... as in, you feel like you're faking having two kids, a job, and a mortgage?"
No, not quite. Just faking being grown-up.
Anyone else ever feel like that?
Monday, August 25, 2008
A Hard Post to Write
Many of you know this already, but for those of you who don't... very early Saturday morning, our friend Con ended her battle with colorectal cancer. This is the same friend that I wrote about here. She leaves behind a devoted husband and two boys, 13 and 9.
I have struggled with writing about it for a few different reasons. Firstly, I don't want to use their sad story as "material" for my blog... in fact, I dread the thought. And also, I don't like writing about gloomy stuff or anything that might draw attention for the wrong reasons. I like being silly and goofy. I like writing about light-hearted stuff.
But tonight, my heart is not light and it just feels wrong to write about silly stuff. And I don't want to NOT write, because I like you guys. I like how you come back for more every day and support me with comments, here or on facebook or email. So I don't want to just go away. And I want my blog to be an honest journaling of my life. So that is why I write tonight.
The connection I had to Con was that our husbands work together. Three years ago when she first was diagnosed with cancer, we hardly knew her and only knew her husband from work stuff. But Peanut-lover felt strongly that he needed to support her husband, so he started going to the gym with him every morning before work. Through that time, they became close friends and over the past 6 months, we have spent a lot of time with Con and her family.
The last time I saw her was less than two weeks ago in the hospital. She looked tired, but otherwise very well and was anticipating being discharged on the weekend. She knew she had only weeks to live, but was intent on fighting until the very end. She wanted more time with her boys.
We went on our camping trip and cut it short by a day because of the rain. We got home on Thursday afternoon, unpacked, started in on the laundry, had supper, got the kids to bed, finished a movie, turned off the lights... then the phone rang. We learned that Con was not well and Peanut-lover decided to go to the hospital to support his friend for a few hours.
Friday morning at 8:30, we learned that Con was not expected to survive the day. So Peanut-lover went back to the hospital, along with another coworker and stayed there until the very end. He came home at 6:30 am and caught a few hours of sleep.
These days have been hard for us. Not hard like they are for her family, but still hard. And I can only tell our story. There is sadness and grief, exhaustion, confusion, and frustration. I am trying to be strong, because Peanut-lover is trying to be strong to help his friend through the grief. I have not had much opportunity to grieve myself. My role is to take on more at home so that Peanut-lover is freed up to be with his friend. I got really frustrated with the kids today, which is shameful because Con, a mom, had to leave her two boys behind yesterday.
I'm also struggling to explain to KK what has happened. She can't possibly grasp death or grief, but is noticing the sadness and will notice Con's absence. She talked about Con all the time. She will miss her. I've told her that Con was very sick and that her body stopped working. I've told her that usually when people get sick, they get better, but sometimes they don't. I've told her that Con has gone to heaven and we are all sad because we don't get to see her anymore. I don't know what else to tell her, so I just repeat these things over and over every time they come up. And they come up at the most unexpected times.
If I seem absent, it is because I'm running on autopilot. I'm catching myself lost in memories or sad thoughts and not even realizing that my children have been needing my attention. I feel like I'm walking through jello. So I need to try to use my focused time on my children.
Blogwise, I'm not sure what this week will look like. I hope it will not all be sad. It might be a little bare. I do have some funny stories that I want to tell. I just have to figure out how to weave them in at this sad time, without seeming disrepectful or fake. Bear with me...
I have struggled with writing about it for a few different reasons. Firstly, I don't want to use their sad story as "material" for my blog... in fact, I dread the thought. And also, I don't like writing about gloomy stuff or anything that might draw attention for the wrong reasons. I like being silly and goofy. I like writing about light-hearted stuff.
But tonight, my heart is not light and it just feels wrong to write about silly stuff. And I don't want to NOT write, because I like you guys. I like how you come back for more every day and support me with comments, here or on facebook or email. So I don't want to just go away. And I want my blog to be an honest journaling of my life. So that is why I write tonight.
The connection I had to Con was that our husbands work together. Three years ago when she first was diagnosed with cancer, we hardly knew her and only knew her husband from work stuff. But Peanut-lover felt strongly that he needed to support her husband, so he started going to the gym with him every morning before work. Through that time, they became close friends and over the past 6 months, we have spent a lot of time with Con and her family.
The last time I saw her was less than two weeks ago in the hospital. She looked tired, but otherwise very well and was anticipating being discharged on the weekend. She knew she had only weeks to live, but was intent on fighting until the very end. She wanted more time with her boys.
We went on our camping trip and cut it short by a day because of the rain. We got home on Thursday afternoon, unpacked, started in on the laundry, had supper, got the kids to bed, finished a movie, turned off the lights... then the phone rang. We learned that Con was not well and Peanut-lover decided to go to the hospital to support his friend for a few hours.
Friday morning at 8:30, we learned that Con was not expected to survive the day. So Peanut-lover went back to the hospital, along with another coworker and stayed there until the very end. He came home at 6:30 am and caught a few hours of sleep.
These days have been hard for us. Not hard like they are for her family, but still hard. And I can only tell our story. There is sadness and grief, exhaustion, confusion, and frustration. I am trying to be strong, because Peanut-lover is trying to be strong to help his friend through the grief. I have not had much opportunity to grieve myself. My role is to take on more at home so that Peanut-lover is freed up to be with his friend. I got really frustrated with the kids today, which is shameful because Con, a mom, had to leave her two boys behind yesterday.
I'm also struggling to explain to KK what has happened. She can't possibly grasp death or grief, but is noticing the sadness and will notice Con's absence. She talked about Con all the time. She will miss her. I've told her that Con was very sick and that her body stopped working. I've told her that usually when people get sick, they get better, but sometimes they don't. I've told her that Con has gone to heaven and we are all sad because we don't get to see her anymore. I don't know what else to tell her, so I just repeat these things over and over every time they come up. And they come up at the most unexpected times.
If I seem absent, it is because I'm running on autopilot. I'm catching myself lost in memories or sad thoughts and not even realizing that my children have been needing my attention. I feel like I'm walking through jello. So I need to try to use my focused time on my children.
Blogwise, I'm not sure what this week will look like. I hope it will not all be sad. It might be a little bare. I do have some funny stories that I want to tell. I just have to figure out how to weave them in at this sad time, without seeming disrepectful or fake. Bear with me...
Friday, August 22, 2008
Happy Birthday Harmony
**disclaimer: Hi mom. I know it's your birthday today too. But you're ageing gracefully in Greece, or Italy, or Sicily, or somewhere else amazing. Clearly, you don't need a birthday post to make your day! Happy Birthday!**
Today is my BFF Harmony's 29th birthday. We've been friends now for 15 years! Longer than not. And my life has been greatly enriched since we met.
We met at family camp 1993. Ah, the good old days. Two boy-crazy teenagers. Ok, I was boy-crazy. She liked boys.
We've been inseparable ever since. Well... unless you count that there's an entire country separating us and we've probably only seen each other twice in 8 years. But our hearts are inseparable.
She's the only friend who could hold me as I suffered my first heartbreak. She's the friend who knew everything bad about me, and somehow loved me anyway. She's the friend who has seen every side of me... even the blue side... and I don't mean sad, right Harm?! She's the friend who tolerated sleep-overs where I tended to launch my "orthodontic appliance" blindly across the room at her and talked straight until I fell asleep.
She's the friend I didn't support when she had her first baby because I was in school and had NO CLUE. She's the friend who patiently waited 7 years for me to catch up in life with her, so we could be close again. She's the friend who was first to find out I was pregnant with KK, back at the last, wonderful time I saw her. She's the friend I turn to when I need to talk (email-talk) about mommy things. She's the friend who says that yes, it is hard, but you'll get through this.
That's us in grade 10 or 11. I'm the geeky looking one on the left. She's the beautiful one on the right. Just looking at her feels like home.
When we were in high-school, we often tried to pretend that we were twins. We had an elaborate story to explain why our last names were different. We managed to convince a lot of people. At teen camp the year she was 16, she didn't want to pretend anymore because I was still 15 and she wanted everyone to know that she had her driver's license (and I couldn't pretend to be 16 because I didn't have mine).
Happy Birthday Harmy! I bet you're wishing you were the younger twin now!
I am so proud to see the woman you have become.
Always know your friendship means the world to me.
Today is my BFF Harmony's 29th birthday. We've been friends now for 15 years! Longer than not. And my life has been greatly enriched since we met.
We met at family camp 1993. Ah, the good old days. Two boy-crazy teenagers. Ok, I was boy-crazy. She liked boys.
We've been inseparable ever since. Well... unless you count that there's an entire country separating us and we've probably only seen each other twice in 8 years. But our hearts are inseparable.
She's the only friend who could hold me as I suffered my first heartbreak. She's the friend who knew everything bad about me, and somehow loved me anyway. She's the friend who has seen every side of me... even the blue side... and I don't mean sad, right Harm?! She's the friend who tolerated sleep-overs where I tended to launch my "orthodontic appliance" blindly across the room at her and talked straight until I fell asleep.
She's the friend I didn't support when she had her first baby because I was in school and had NO CLUE. She's the friend who patiently waited 7 years for me to catch up in life with her, so we could be close again. She's the friend who was first to find out I was pregnant with KK, back at the last, wonderful time I saw her. She's the friend I turn to when I need to talk (email-talk) about mommy things. She's the friend who says that yes, it is hard, but you'll get through this.
That's us in grade 10 or 11. I'm the geeky looking one on the left. She's the beautiful one on the right. Just looking at her feels like home.
When we were in high-school, we often tried to pretend that we were twins. We had an elaborate story to explain why our last names were different. We managed to convince a lot of people. At teen camp the year she was 16, she didn't want to pretend anymore because I was still 15 and she wanted everyone to know that she had her driver's license (and I couldn't pretend to be 16 because I didn't have mine).
Happy Birthday Harmy! I bet you're wishing you were the younger twin now!
I am so proud to see the woman you have become.
Always know your friendship means the world to me.
Note to Self: At least the bathtub's clean now
(Please excuse me while I give myself a little pep talk)
Try to look at the bright side of things here...
You've been meaning to clean that tub for days... ok, weeks... ok, a month. Now it's all sparkly and clean. Doesn't that feel good?
And you have to admit, it was pretty funny to see Peanut-lover come running out of there, shrieking like a little girl, "There's a poop in there! JJ pooped in the tub! Come get him out!!" Seriously, two kids and he's still afraid of a little poop?
And hey, you got out of the bedtime routine because you were busy cleaning said tub. Let's be honest here, you're not so crazy about watching Daddy act out two Cabbage Patch Kids fighting over who gets to pray. For 10 minutes. Every. Single. Night.
And you know, at least you weren't in the tub this time.
Try to look at the bright side of things here...
You've been meaning to clean that tub for days... ok, weeks... ok, a month. Now it's all sparkly and clean. Doesn't that feel good?
And you have to admit, it was pretty funny to see Peanut-lover come running out of there, shrieking like a little girl, "There's a poop in there! JJ pooped in the tub! Come get him out!!" Seriously, two kids and he's still afraid of a little poop?
And hey, you got out of the bedtime routine because you were busy cleaning said tub. Let's be honest here, you're not so crazy about watching Daddy act out two Cabbage Patch Kids fighting over who gets to pray. For 10 minutes. Every. Single. Night.
And you know, at least you weren't in the tub this time.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A really great idea
I saw this great idea at Rookie Moms.
They are called Mama Merit Badges. Little badges that you give yourself when you know you've earned them. And you'll know. Breastfeeding, diaper changes, medical, restaurant etc. You can iron them on whatever you want (diaper bag, t-shirt) to show that you've survived a particular element of being a mom.
You can find them here. You can read stories about when other people knew they'd earned one here.
Is it weird that this idea makes me cry?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I found my bad momma jeans
Has anyone seen my bad momma jeans? I need to put them on again. Oh, there they are. Thanks.
Last Wednesday, I had a very busy day. I did 6 loads of laundry, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned up the kitchen, trimmed everyone's nails, painted the female nails, started packing for camping, updated the budget, and played hard with the kids.
Oh, and the kids napped on alternating schedules, so I didn't even lie down all day.
By bedtime, I was done.
Actually, two hours before bedtime, I was DONE.
But JJ wouldn't settle. Nosiree. He wanted milk to come out of my empty milk-storage-devices and was not willing to work at it to get some. He was mad!
Add to that, we've been trying to get him to sleep in the room with KK. You know, in his own crib? And having a little trouble working out the logistics of that. Him first? Her first? Both at the same time?
No, not both at the same time. We tried that and 10 minutes in, we had two children wailing. JJ was removed from the situation and proceeded to take 3 hours to settle again. So, no. Not both at the same time.
Back to Wednesday night. I finally decided to start him out in the play pen in our room. He normally will settle without crying, or possibly cry out a couple of times before he settles. Did I mention I love his thumb?
This time, he cried for a few minutes. Maybe a few minutes longer than I should have left him. I had honestly had it and he wasn't letting me comfort him anyways and well, I was too busy putting my bad momma jeans back on (that's my way of saying I was a bad momma) (just in case you're wondering).
After a few minutes, I noticed his crying was a little more distressed than usual. So I went in. And there he was, arm pinned behind his back, nose all bloody. NOSE ALL BLOODY? My baby boy has a bloody nose?
We still don't know what happened. It dried up right away. But, needless to say, the boy got nursed to sleep, laying in bed with mommy that night.
The bad momma jeans are back in business.
Last Wednesday, I had a very busy day. I did 6 loads of laundry, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned up the kitchen, trimmed everyone's nails, painted the female nails, started packing for camping, updated the budget, and played hard with the kids.
Oh, and the kids napped on alternating schedules, so I didn't even lie down all day.
By bedtime, I was done.
Actually, two hours before bedtime, I was DONE.
But JJ wouldn't settle. Nosiree. He wanted milk to come out of my empty milk-storage-devices and was not willing to work at it to get some. He was mad!
Add to that, we've been trying to get him to sleep in the room with KK. You know, in his own crib? And having a little trouble working out the logistics of that. Him first? Her first? Both at the same time?
No, not both at the same time. We tried that and 10 minutes in, we had two children wailing. JJ was removed from the situation and proceeded to take 3 hours to settle again. So, no. Not both at the same time.
Back to Wednesday night. I finally decided to start him out in the play pen in our room. He normally will settle without crying, or possibly cry out a couple of times before he settles. Did I mention I love his thumb?
This time, he cried for a few minutes. Maybe a few minutes longer than I should have left him. I had honestly had it and he wasn't letting me comfort him anyways and well, I was too busy putting my bad momma jeans back on (that's my way of saying I was a bad momma) (just in case you're wondering).
After a few minutes, I noticed his crying was a little more distressed than usual. So I went in. And there he was, arm pinned behind his back, nose all bloody. NOSE ALL BLOODY? My baby boy has a bloody nose?
We still don't know what happened. It dried up right away. But, needless to say, the boy got nursed to sleep, laying in bed with mommy that night.
The bad momma jeans are back in business.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Conversations with KK: She doesn't even know what she's talking about
We're driving home from visiting the in-laws. About a 90-minute drive. KK announces she needs to pee, really bad. Of course we're at the spot where there's nowhere to stop for 20 minutes. (And no, she won't pee on the side of the road, thanks for asking. Tried that once. She. Was. Horrified!)
Anywho. I tell her we just have a wait a few minutes for daddy to find a gas station.
She's quiet for a minute or two. Then, "Mommy, that a gaschicken?"
"A what?"
"Gaschicken"
"What?"
"GASCHICKEN"
"I don't know what you're saying."
"GAS-CHICKEN!!"
"I can't understand you. Daddy, do you know what she's saying?"
A pause.
"Mommy. What me saying?"
SHE doesn't even know what she's talking about!
Fortunately someone does. Daddy comes to the rescue, "She's saying 'a gas station.'"
"Yeah, a gas chicken"
Oooooohhhhh, right...
Anywho. I tell her we just have a wait a few minutes for daddy to find a gas station.
She's quiet for a minute or two. Then, "Mommy, that a gaschicken?"
"A what?"
"Gaschicken"
"What?"
"GASCHICKEN"
"I don't know what you're saying."
"GAS-CHICKEN!!"
"I can't understand you. Daddy, do you know what she's saying?"
A pause.
"Mommy. What me saying?"
SHE doesn't even know what she's talking about!
Fortunately someone does. Daddy comes to the rescue, "She's saying 'a gas station.'"
"Yeah, a gas chicken"
Oooooohhhhh, right...
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